As you can see from the title, i am pissed at society for teaching us 'if your not something you cant do it"
on the night before april 23.
It was tuesday the next day, also our club pictures. Im in the Korean American Student Association (KASA) and a few weeks ago we made shirts to wear for this day. That night i planned my out-fit, put everything in place so that in case i woke up late i would still be able to look the way i wanted to.
on the 23
i woke up late but i managed to get dressed and do everything on time while still being able to catch the bus. recently its been cold out in the morning, so i wore a sweatshirt. I didnt take off my sweatshirt until fifth period and under my sweatshirt was my KASA shirt that i had proudly decorated with Super Junior stuff. It was the first hand made shirt by me, and it was my first ever shirt that represented my fandom. ELF. in fifth period we took pictures with the rest of the KASA members and i felt too lazy to put on my sweatshirt again so i just held it in my hand. By the time i got back to my class it was almost time to go. i walked to 6th period (art) with my friends and thats when it started.
Later in that class i walked by a table and a student asked me
"why are you wearing that? your not korean... I know youre not korean" and i reply with
"because i can.... i know im not korean..."
"then why are you in that KASA thing" he asks
"because i can be" i reply
"but youre not korean" another student butts in on our conversation
"it doesnt matter does it?"
"yea but youre not american either, oh wait yes you are" Student A begins
"um no im not...."
i walk away from them because i realize how usless it is talking to them, but despite me telling myself "its okay dont get mad they dont understand you" i still get angry and i stay pissed until the next thing happens
the student who butted in, student B comes to my art table and says
"oh I get it! youre a korean wanna be arent you"
"No im not"
"yes you are why else would you be in KASA?"
"because i want to be"
and then my friend butts in
"she wants to be korean though"
"um no.... _____ i thought you understood my love for korean things"
"i do, dont you want to be korean"
"no i like being Paki and i'd rather stick with what i am than be something im not"
"and i thougth you understood me"
"um no you dont. you clearly dont." i thought in my head
then class ended and i walked away causally like nothing happened and went to a very fun KASA meeting
on the 24th
i was walking in the hallway to my next class when a friend of mine pulled me aside
"hey not be a tattle tale but %$#^ told me that some girls were talking about you yesterday"
"that shirt you wore"
"oh that haha yea i dont care what others say to me about it though"
"wasnt it like a super junior shirt" (his sister is a kpop fan so he would know)
"yea i made it myself"
and he went on this short rant and finished with "if i hear them talking about you like that again ill go and strangle them" and i was like awe so caring
and thats when i realized that if my friends talked about me like that it would sting me a little but if people i didnt even know talked to me like that or talked about me like that then id just be like i dont know you, you stalkers how do you know me!!'
Honestly i still dont give a f_ck about it, about what others say to me because thier words arent strong enough to break me down and make me hate or stop loving kpop. As a matter of fact, i came to cherish and love it more, because it just made me realize how much ive changed since 6th grade.
I used to be the insecure, stupid, tall fat girl but now im not as insecure as i used to be. Hoestly i gotta thank Naruto for that and anime too and loving kpop being a kpop fan made me relaize that there are people who understand me, there are people who can accept me, and there is someone who i can finally relate to.
people really do ask me all the time 'why are u a kpop fan' well honestly there is no reason and you know what i could care less about finding a reason because you dont need a reason to love.
Thank you to whoever read this and this really did happen to me