ELLO ELLO ELLO ELLOO' 

Yes. I did not die. I am back. I probably won't update as much since I have alot of stuff to do, school and personal things, blah di blah. Anywho, 

Have you ever felt that you don't belong anywhere ? 

I mean i feel like just cause i like KPOP or korea or ASIA and other cultures in general, people assume i'm a weirdo. I've always felt like i don't belong anywhere, especially at home and school. Ever since i was little i would love cartoons like pokemon, yugi-oh, naruto etc. I liked manga and anime, it was just who i am. I was never REALLY hated or bullied in primary (elementary) school, but before i got into KPOP, korea and everything. I used to love JPOP, japan and all that jazz. I loved Visual Kei, bands like Gazette, SuG, SID etc i found it so interesting and pretty god damn y, I have no idea why. I just did (still kinda do) I was considered weird, even among my family members. I mean i NEVER TOLD MY ELDER BROTHER, MUM OR DAD. They would go all crazy on me. Like you don't understand. Even know, I haven't told those three family members my passion and love for Korea and SHINee, EXO etc. They would DEFO think i was weird, my second eldest bro, sister and alot of my cousins know i Love them dearly. 
 

I'm not like REALLY! open with Kpop and stuff because to be honest, it's not like I can talk to anyone bout it properly. I've always felt like a outsider, cause I liked something 'unusual' to other people. My best friend knows pretty much everything about me, she knows me inside out. I know her, but she's chaged recently and she wasn't that open of a person as i am with her. I think she may be one of the ONLY people that actually understands me, a bit more than others. I mean it's not like she fully understands herself but she understands more than other people. 

Today i felt kinda . Usually i'm hyper. I don't like showing people I'm upset, even if i do get upset with thm, i probably show them only 1% of how TRULLY upset I am. Especially when one of my close friends refers to Taemin as 'The girl' 

I have a picture of shinee on my land yard, and its really annoying how she refers to them (mainly Taemin) as 'the girls' Ok, I admit Taemin is a pretty boy but it's still not that nice. At first i went along with it, but after wards especially today it got on my nerves. This friend was talking to another friend, and she was like 'I swear they're all girls', And it really irritated me. I told my close friend before about Taemin and how he's on the show 'We got married.' 

(My opinions and Feels: I NEVER would've though that Taemin would be on 'We got married', Yes. I was upset, I'm not going to lie. Taemin has been one of the biggest biases in my life. SHINee in general are so dear to my heart. They showed me a completely different new world. I'm not going to lie, 

SHINee wasn't the first group i EVER SAW DO KPOP, i was watching ne of Bubzbeauty's Makeup tutorials and she was doing Taeyeon's makeup from run deil run. I really liked the song and searched it up, from there, in the side. I saw A SHINee video. My first impression was :
 

*Wtf ? Are they gay ?* But i eventually grew out of that mind set because SHINee's song has been engraved into my mind. Especially 'Replay', I couldn't stop listening to it. Even though, I haven't known SHINee since they first debuted or whatever. That doesn't mean I don't love them. I'm not updated on SHINee 24/7, they're are things i hear a day or two or maybe even a week or more than that, about SHINee. I'm not constantly checking to see if something happened to SHINee, if theres some news about the members. Yes, I don't listen to they're songs EVERYDAY! I'm human. 

It doesn't matter how much I know or don't know. That doesn't change the fact that I love them. Not as singers, or good looking guys, but because they are one of the things that have kept me going through days when i seriously wanted to give up. 

So, Yes. I was upset and scared, I didn't want Taemin to get hurt. I'm sure Na eun won't hurt him but, It did make me upset. I still am upset. That doesn't mean, I'm not happy. If Taeminnie is happy, then i think I should atleast be happy for him. I don't suddenly have this BURNING HATRED FOR Na Eun. I don't hate her, I don't have any right to hate her. I may envy her slightly but i don't hate her.) 

I rememberes the whole thing and i stopped being hyper, my close friend told my other friend, who said, 

"Is that it ? You do know they don't know you, that's so stupid." and they were saying all that, and it just made me even more upset cause I've realised that I've been holding onto a dream,

and all it ever will be is a dream. 

Thanks for reading this mother f'cker of a blog. XD 

XOXO 

HUGS AND KISSES <3