A Mere Delusion
reviewer; exothermc - story; chubbunny

Title: 4/5

The title definitely hooked me up to the story. It was simple and yet mysterious, and it gives an insight to the story. But I must say, it revealed too much. Jiyoung is exactly, as the title says, a mere delusion to Dara, and I feel slightly disappointed with this fanfiction because I think I expected something more than this, something more deeper relating to the title. This is just my preference.

Description/Foreword: 7/10

I was definitely intrigued by the sentence in the description! But, now, reflecting to it, I could see something that confuses me. I really thought that Dara was really suffering, and maybe Jiyoung didn’t come, but in the end he did. I really did expect some kind of preview to your story, but when I really did read the whole story I was slightly disappointed because your style of writing in the description and the story itself was different.

The foreword is not too important but it’s not too distracting, either.

(And isn’t the quote’s G-Dragon’s? Not Tablo’s?)

Characterization 10/20

Dara’s characterization was good. I like her personality here. She tried so hard to live independently, but all of her workload and personal problems just piles up, stressed her out, and she breaks. She’s not a damsel in distress; she’s probably the most realistic girl I’ve ever read in a fanfiction.

What makes me confused is I don’t understand Jiyoung. I know he’s supposed to be a mere delusion that Dara created but I don’t feel what he feels. Suddenly he popped out of nowhere and just gave Dara an encouragement, and just dropped out of the whole picture.

What?

Plot: 9/20

The plot was awesome, pretty much to say. I rarely encounter fanfictions like these and I must say I’m quite impressed.

Do you know what caused the low mark?

There’s so much potential in this story and yet you decided to make it a one-shot. Honestly, I think those two chapters were barely even 1,000 words. I repeat, there’s so much potential. I have a thousand of questions whirring on my mind but yet you never explained anything in this story! This story could have so many potential. I would want to know the reason why Dara created Jiyoung in the first place. Who is this new author on her publisher that threatened her position in the job? How could a mere delusion like Jiyoung have feelings? How can he love? There’s so much potential in this story! You could’ve expanded it to create something bigger! Better! But yet, you didn’t.

Mechanics: 9/20

I see so many errors that could be fixed with a re-reading, and it saddens me. I won’t point anything, because you should know the mistakes if you re-read the story again. Most of them are spelling and grammar errors, and another one would how awkward the form of the sentences is. That’s why I was so disappointed. The description was so beautiful, it made me so exhilarated that I would be able to review such a wonderful story, but the writing itself made me shake my head in disappointment, because if it was compared to the description, the description would be better than the story itself.

Flow: 4/10

The fanfiction was too rushed and overall so short. The transition between chapter 1 and chapter 2 was unclear and I find myself in confusion because I did not know where Dara and Jiyoung is exactly and it would be a turn-off for me if I was just a reader rather than a reviewer.

Overall Enjoyment: 11/15

Big surprise here, isn’t it? I liked this story. A lot.  It was very unique and it made me want to read more, aside from the problems discussed in this review. I really, really wish you would expand this story more. This is for the Give Me a Year contest, right? You have one year to complete this fanfiction! One year!

Final Score: 54/100