≫ Title [ 3/ 5 ]

The title seems a little bit off to me. Grammatically, it’s correct but there’s a little bit of a problem with the choice of words. I think it would be better for you to use the word “illusion” instead of delusion. So, to put it correctly, it should be “Merely An Illusion”. The title fits well with the story so I won’t dock marks for that.

≫ Poster and background [ 5/ 5]

The poster is beautiful and the background suits the atmosphere of the story so full marks!

≫ Description/Foreword [7/ 10]

The foreword is pretty attractive and doesn’t seem too messy either. The description is short and reveals a tiny bit of the story and enough to capture reader’s attention. However, the sentence you used in your description has grammatical errors, which is bad for readers who want to start reading this story. The description/foreword is the reader’s first impression on your story, and if that image crumbles, then potential readers would just take a look, snicker, and move on.

≫ Content and main plot [ 10/ 20]

The main plot is about a writer who creates a guy purely from her imagination as her companion in her lonely days of writing. This is quite original and fascinating indeed. However, there weren’t a lot of content in the short story. There’s no reason for a story to be void of content even if it’s short. I’ve read a whole load of short stories that is chock full of contents compared to those long winded ones with no necessary purposes at the end of the story.

≫ Characterisation [10/ 15]

This area is a bit hard for me to grade as this is a very short story and the characters’ developments were not much. But Sandara’s characterisation was pretty good; it doesn’t contradict any parts of her mentioned in the story. Though I didn’t really understand Kwon Jiyong’s character since his appearance was too brief to be analysed.

≫ Basic Grammar/Spelling [7/ 15]

There were a lot of problems in your grammar and how you phrase your sentences. I had to read your paragraphs twice to understand what you mean. I will show you an example through your first paragraph in the first chapter alright?

Original: …always tried to struggle how to live individually.

Corrected: …always struggling to be independent.

You see, the word “tried” and “struggle” have similar meaning here so you should only choose one or it would seem repetitive. The phrase ‘how to live individually’ seems a bit off but I understand that you are trying to say that she’s trying to be independent.

Original: Having the pressure had been hitting her nowadays was stressing her out.

Corrected: The pressure had been stressing her out these days.

Original: …got a small cup…

Corrected: …took a small cup…

These mistakes could easily be avoided if you proofread everything. If you feel that your English skills are quite lacking to edit then turn to someone with more skills. It could be your teacher, your parents, your friends or even your siblings. Don’t be afraid to seek help.

≫ Writing style [6/ 10]

To me, this part is how you present your story or your story’s appearance in terms of paragraphing and whatnot. Your writing style in terms of writing is alright. It was not bad and quite enjoyable though you really have to look out for grammar errors. Personally, I think it would have been better for you to compile the two chapters into one. It would have been easier and the story would seem longer.

≫ Flow of the story [8/ 10]

There wasn’t really any flow as there were about two to three settings in the story. Nevertheless, it flows well for a one shot (or a two shot if you want to) so no problem there. But I dock off two marks as I felt it ended a little bit too fast to my liking.

≫ Entertainment level [6/ 10]

Apart from the grammatical errors and your troubles with phrasing a sentence, I quite like it. It’s about a writer who creates an imaginary guy as her companion during her lonely days. Though I find it hard to relate to the prompt you stated in the foreword, there was a little bit of relation to it so I’m fine with that.

≫ Bonus [2/ 5]

 

Overall: 64/100