have you ever just gotten to a point in your life where you've found something and it makes you genuinely happy? like every time you see it, you just want to cry and thank God for letting this happen to your life because out of all the ing crap you've gotten, out of all the that you've been put through, out of all the tears you've cried, and out of all the times you wish you were just dead, there's finally this one thing that just makes you so happy and it makes you feel so good and you just can't figure out how you got through life without it. this thing, be it a person or whatever, is the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing on your mind at night. this thing makes you so happy and you can't stop talking about it and can't stop telling people how much it makes you so happy and how it makes everything feel better. like every time you want to cry and break down and slit your wrists and hate yourself and call yourself ugly names and all those terrible things that anyone has ever said about you, this thing is the one thing that makes it all go away. this thing puts a smile back on your face. and then...things start to change and this thing suddenly doesn't seem like what it started out to be. suddenly, you're having to give little pieces of it up to people who just come and take it from you- they take your happiness, they take your peace. and then this thing, it stops replying to your texts. it stops laughing at your jokes. you don't hear from this thing as much as you used to. just when you thought all those bad things were going away, because you put all of your ing trust into this thing, you realize it was just a lie and this thing wasn't there for you like it said it would be. and you start crying again. the pain starts to come back again. you can't get those awful thoughts out of your head and you want to just rip out your hair to get them to leave you alone. you feel depressed and alone and you want this thing to make you feel better but it's too busy making other people feel better so you're left out in the ing rain with no umbrella and you start to wonder if that thing was even what you thought it out to be. your breaths get heavier and everything hurts now. there's nothing left to be happy about and you have to fake your smiles and fake your happiness and make your parents believe that you're okay and you're not that person that you used to be. you don't want to be that person that you used to be because that person hurts. when you're that person, life hurts and you just want to die and you start to wonder how many pills it would take to kill you...how deep you need to cut yourself to die...i don't want that be that person anymore. i don't want to go back to that. i just want my thing to come back. i want my thing to make me happy again like it used to. come back. please...