Review is by ClaireKrystalWinters ^^ My precious baby~ (She's very expressive haha)

One more day

Title: 9/10

Intriguing title, it makes me want to read your story, but the words 'more' and 'day' should be capitalized.


Characterization: 9.5/10

I love Daehyun's character! He's quite complex, with many facades and emotions for a young boy. I love how even though he's in the most pain, he still doesn't want to do anything that will cause others even the slightest bit of pain. ;A;

Youngjae's a really sweet character, it was just the slightest bit unbelievable that he became so understanding the moment he met Daehyun when he was originally quite a spoilt brat, but it's not bad because the interactions between Daejae were really well written. :)


Grammar: 12/15

He had realized immediately that Daehyun needed to be threatened in a special way.
('Threatened' should be 'treated'.)

"I can only exist in this room",
(It should be "I can only exist in this room," not "I can only exist in this room". The sentence must be ended with a punctuation, not a quotation mark.)

"Oh, haven't you slept well?", Youngjae asked worried.
(First of all, there is no need for a comma. Also, it should either be 'Youngjae asked worriedly' or 'Youngjae asked, worried'.)

"There are nights where you have nightmares and I would always be there and comfort you, but I can't make them stop.
I would do anything that you would have beautiful dreams forever, so you won't have to cry no more. And then I would visit you and you could tell me about them with a smile on your face...
(It should be 'There are nights when' as a night is a period of time, hence we use 'when', and 'I would do anything so that you would have beautiful dreams forever'.
Also, when you skip to another paragraph in the middle of a spoken sentence, it must start with a quotation mark, like this:
"There are nights when you have nightmares and I would always be there and comfort you, but I can't make them stop.
"I would do anything so that you would have beautiful dreams forever, so you won't have to cry no more. And then I would visit you and you could tell me about them with a smile on your face...)

The punctuation errors for the conversations were quite glaring, so I subtracted a further mark for that. There were also a few sentence structure errors too, but none too glaring.

There may be more, but towards the end I was trying so hard not to cry that I couldn't spot any errors xD


Flow: 5/5

The speed of the progression of the disease was completely believable (for a medical idiot like me xD ), and Daejae's relationship progressed at a good pace. :) The leukaemia was a little shocking, but I did do some research on the Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome before reading, so I was somewhat prepared for that, though I totally didn't expect it when it popped up. I thought Daehyun was going to die ;A;


Plot: 9.5/10

I love how you didn't put a common disease like cancer, instead using the Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome.

However, would a nurse really let a visitor into a no-visitors-allowed intensive care unit? I really doubt it, but perhaps it's because they all have a soft spot for Youngjae, so I'm not going to subtract a lot of marks for this.

Uhh... I didn't read the , because I'm only 12...so I can't comment on that... xD

Also, your fic is one of the most well-written angst Daejae fics I've ever read. Ignoring the grammar mistakes, the plot and the style of writing is beautiful. I love it ^^