Sometimes I just want someone to hold me tight and tell me everything is okay and he/she will be there for me. Someone great enough to tell me 'I'd rather you cut me then cut yourself.' Sigh. I feel so... trapped. I feel trapped in myself. What did I do to lock the real emotions in and why can't I find the key to unlock it? I hurt all over. Haven't been eating much. Started cutting my thighs again. Ugh, why am I so useless and stupid? Can't do anything right. I even forgot how to cry. Sometimes I ask myself, "You know the right way to cut so that you'll leave the world. Why are you not doing it?" I have no idea. Part of me wants to live. The other part just wants to disappear off the face of Earth. I'm torn apart. Why didn't the person that broke my spirit think that this would happen? I feel like now. I can't even concentrate. All I think of is ways to kill myself. I'll just... Go and take a nap. Maybe the pain in my chest will get the out.