There are many times that I wonder why I write. I used to dream that I am a student of Hogwarts and Harry is my buddy. I used to go on adventures, riding horses and eating weird fruits in a kingdom I was thrown. I used to dream I am a warrior and a vampire slayer. I used to say I am a creature of the night. It is beautiful, dark, and mysterious and heart wrenching. I was contented weaving little stories in my head. I was happy. Every night before I sleep, I would think I am somewhere but my bed. I used to think after watching, that Sasuke is happily together with Naruto and Sakura and that I am part of team Kakashi. I even used to dream of a day that Edward and his brother became normal people after all their hardships.  I used to go inside my mom's big cabinet and dream of a new world it can lead me to. I was happy. I was contented. I have the stories. I have my own world and now I keep on asking myself, why do I write? I was doing fine with all of those happy creations in my head. Why did I decide I should let them out?

I first started with a few words. I wanted to release it. Delusions, love, it was an itch that can be only satisfied by taking it out of my system. I used to keep everything in. I am a full bottle and I burst. With no confidence, I touched my keyboard. I was so embarrassed of my English. I felt like people are thinking I should not pollute this world with my fantasies. But I continued because it was liberating. It was a release. For the first time in my life, I can see a tangible thing before me , I am heard, people talk to me, I exist. No matter how bad it is, this is from me. And so I continued to dream. I continued to pour most of my time here. I didn’t care anymore if I was the only one enjoying my fantasy. Then I started caring one day. And the questions started... Why do I write?

This question I can't really answer. Is it the comments or the encouragement I get? Is it your words that fuel me to write? So if it is for that reason, what happens when no one wants to read it anymore? Do I stop writing because I have no more readers? Is it the subscribers, or maybe those views and upvotes? I will be a hypocrite if I say I don't care about it. I am happy when they come but at the same time, I am afraid of it. 

I realized I couldn't stop. Even if you stop reading or if everyone else had already left, I am still here to read my own work. It is mine, I am sharing it to you. I didn't force anyone to read it, I wrote it for myself. And I know even years from now I would still read this fanfics and laugh at my absurdity. Why do I write? Your thoughts about it are something I would be thankful for but I won't let it command me. I am my words. I am my story. I write for my dreams, I write for my unsatisfied curiosity. I am imperfect but I fit perfectly in my world. I am a ranter I am me, I will let no one dictate me. I may not be a writer, this may be just considered a hobby, I am no more important than you are, I may not have the right to say all this, but I am me. And this is my blog.

I know I sound crazy and ridiculous but I had to remind myself of reality. I had to remember why I am here when I am perfectly fine in my bed and dreaming. I am not saying I will stop because I can't as long as I have something to tell I will be here. I actually feel lots of better after this. It’s not like I have problems, this just happens when I am left alone and it’s so quiet that I can actually think aloud hahaha XD