So here I am a kpoper who also lives from other types of music like the band ... 

(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ~ *~ My Chemical Romance. 

 

And so here I am, making a badass blog post about what they mean to me. And even if you're not their fans, I ask you to give a chance to my letter because it will mean to me if you're going to be part of my world here on AFF. 

 

 

So every fan in the world must have a reason to love their idols and role models. 

I have plenty of idols that I love to call my saviours and role models. Take as example this band I mentioned before. Before you talk about them, let me tell you my story about how they saved me.

 

(My) c(he)mical (ro)mance

 

I remember the day I met them because of the old MTV. It was on 2004 while I was on my parents bedroom because the tv was there, I was doing zapping because the tv shows even back then were kinda boring. I was 11 years and I was sitting in the floor like every other kid that it's entranced with something really  good on their view. 

MTV was playing his music video 'I'm Not Okay' and that's when my head snaped and I thought ''They're like me''.

Back in that moment of my life I was going to a public school but I was changing to another elementary school because of my father wishes. I knew how I was going to feel there and that why I related myself with the guys on the MV.

I remember that I didn't have a computer so the only chance to search for them was by going to cyber caffes. But even there I couldn't find them. I was a mess because I just could remember their faces but not the song name or the band name. 

So, it was on 2005 before the year on my new school started that I found them but this time with Helena. And that day I took a piece of paper of my old notebook and writed down their name. ''I've found you''.

2005 was one of the worst years of my life. Erase that, until I started high school at least. 

The reasons were many. I'll just make the list explaining it.

- Being from a humild and not rich family made me suffer because of the comments.

- My epilepsy was explained in the wrong way infront of my class making me the center of attention. The bad one.

- One of my classmates pushed me on the pool while we were having swimming class. The deepper side by the way. I crushed my head only a bit on the water against the side of the pole. The greatest part of all was that not even my teacher, friends, classmates or parent cared about that oh so called accident.

- The names I received because of my disease and way to be.

- The constantly loneliness and fear I felt when I was alone. 

Yeah I was just a girl. But the only thing that keept me going since that year was the music I found out on 2004. 

 

Let's skip time to the moment I finally was 18 years. Oh who well it feelt to be legal.

2 days after my party celebration I went to the only place I would like to be since my home isn't the best place I want to stay. 'The music store'

And what could I ever do in that place? Easy. I was with 3 of my girls with the money my father gave me. 250 dollars or so. It was an unique event after all, I never asked for money like my siblings.

I was happy to find at least 3 of their albums there. I'll never forget the boy who sold them to me. He was nice and we talked a bit about them, he wished to have their viniles like me but we didn't have the player for them so we laughed because of our misery.

Having their albums was the best feeling, because I felt that I was helping them after all they did for me. They saved me.

And that is when the really angst starts. 

It was 2011. Ten days after my birthday that I suffered like never before. 

I was a depressive person and I have no shame about it because as Gerard told once... 'everyone gets depressed it's totally normal'.

I almost comited suicide that afternoon, I was going to end with all the pain that I carried since I was a little girl. I was going to pull the triger but my mom came to the room I was and stopped me. 

The fight and hate my father had since then until a period of time after that big fight never vanished and even in the present I can sense it.

And for the record this band never told me to comit suicide or even give it a try. But I was to weak at that point and everything around me was nothing.

But after that event, their music gave me hope again. I was on my senior year and I was going to finish it with our without support.

Every one of their songs have a deep meaning for me.

I'm not okay expressed my pain by starting in a new school. All by myself, suffering from both physical and verbal bullying. 

Helena was like a serenade to one of our family friends - Alcira - who died when I was young. She suffered a card accident when she was younger and her legs didn't moved since then. She died because of a terminal disease.

Cancer it was like a self expression of the other friend of the family that was also like a 3rd mother to me. She had cancer after all and she died after Alcira. Gloria or Glory was her name.

Famous last word was a song made to Mikey from his brother Gerard when the first one suffered of depression so the sentence 'I am not afraid to keep on living' mean as much to me as they mean to Mikey.

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/ was like the final line when I became an adult at my 18 birthday. And with that I left a part of me run away.

The Kids From Yesterday was like a dedication from the band to everyone of their fans, which included me.

And from their new material, The light behind your eyes and The world is ugly are the most beautiful song because, now that they breaked up the first one is so much more like a goodbye from their part and the other one is like their most amazing thoughts about us.

And that why I know that if a band, group or idol you know split after long years of hard work, their fans, but most of all the members will suffer because of that.

My Chemical Romance are my 1rst saviours or heros. And I own them so much. I never have a chance to meet them but I have my hopes to be on the same path like them someday, maybe not as idols but as the real human beings I fell for since I was a kid. 

I will not tell them how much I love them, I'll start a conversation because I know that with this they'll know why I am still alive, and those words wouldn't be need to be spoken. 

 

2001 - Forever

 

Maybe they broke up but that doesn't mean they'll be forgotten because after almost 12 years, their memory will carry on in every heart of their fans and followers around the world.

I'll wait even if it takes forever.