When I was new here, I was terrified of comments. I braced myself for criticisms but still, I was not sure how I would handle it. So, I preferred having none at all.

But after seeing that the comments were mostly nice, I always get excited when I see those orange notifications. I have only a few subbies then but it was satisfying writing with them. That was when the importance of having AFF hit me. Here, we are able to share our stories and love for kpop.

Last year, for the first time, I reached the highest subscriber count in a fic with just two chappies. I was happy many liked it since only a few usually appreciate my simple stories and the way I write. I am too aware of my shortcomings lol

However, from being terrified to becoming excited, I ended up wondering why only unnie and some other three comment.

My first Jaejoong three shot received a lot of subscribers as well, but those cassies, lol, flooded me with comments that I finished it in less than a day. It was a humbling experience. The exhilaration, the excitement... 

I expected I would receive more comments now that I have more readers in that fic. I expected I would receive the same welcome the cassies gave this elf on her first Jaejoong short story.

But that wasn't the case, lol. I got even lesser comments compared to my fics with only a few subbies. I had to individually click on my subbies because I suspected them being dummy accounts of a friend who is trolling me. Lol.

Anyway, my suspicion is wrong. I hid my fic. I eventually finished it but somehow, I wasn't happy. Hehe.

It was after a few days that I realized how I committed a grave mistake. Something I know not to do but slipped my mind. I put expectations on people. Lol. People fail us. So never put anyone on a pedestal, even your precious oppa. You will just be disappointed. 

Yes, I have been telling everyone not to write for subscribers, comments or for anyone. But when you see people subscribed to you, you can't help but assume that they like your fic and when you don't hear from them, if you are like me, you double check if your story makes any sense. Lol. We want affirmation, appreciation. This is the reason the blog post "It's not you, it's me" was written. 

Since I can't do anything about it - I can't possibly demand you to comment- and AFF is about sharing (you give and let them read for free, they give you karma lol) and being friendly, I tilted my head a little to see it in a different perspective. 

I am still thankful for comments, but if there are none, I am still okay with it knowing I am one chapter closer to finishing. See, while I am part choleric who starts a new task, even though only 70% of the previous work is done and part sanguine, who is laid back, I am melancholic as well. Melancholics finish everything they started. This is the main reason why I won't be adding stories here. I want to at least reduce the eleven to two. Aja! 

Also, the stories I have here are for sharing. I must have stories for myself too.

So, I did just that. I shifted my attention to those neglected bunnies. I now have three on-going stories for myself, a fourth is coming. What I like about them is that I can just write them whenever, wherever. There is no pressure. I just write freely, edit when I feel like it. I don't even have to stress about the appropriate ending. They are my fun reserves.

Because people can take away the fun (and I am no longer referring to comments), I'll keep some fun to myself so that I can continue giving fun.

Writing these other stories gives me balance. 

All I had to do was adapt.

-Keeper