The thing is, I will never get over you... no matter how hard I try.

And it's not like I didn't actually try. I did. I tried and exhausted every solution that I could think of... but none of them ever worked.

They would for a moment but eventually, my hard labored immunity from you comes crumbling down.

The sad thing is you don't even know what I'm going through. 

Sadder that I would never want you to. No. I would never risk losing you completely because I already did that once and it was futile.

I would rather masquerade as just a friend than see you hurt because we would have to reevaluate this whole thing called our friendship once you realize that what I feel for you is far greater. I would rather take on your share of the heartache. Mine is just a love that will never be. Yours is a friendship so pure and special, I can't even begin to say how greatful I am to be part of it.

I have gone through this same path over and over again because of you. I should get used to it. I should feel less and less pain. But that's just not the case. Scars grow deeper and I embrace them, cherish them.

It may seem foolish. I may seem like a masochist this way. But as cliche as it may sound, people will never understand.

I don't like you. I don't want you. I just love you. More than myself. More than life itself. This might sound crazy but you do deserve it. In my eyes, you do deserve it and more, so here I am. This is me jumping in front of the train called pain. This is me catching the bullet called heartbreak. 

This is me being a coward so that I may be strong enough to protect you.