Why does it feel like I’m losing? Every time we’re in class, I just feel like I’m losing to her. I know that I’m not, but…it just feels like I am.

 

It’s not like I’m exactly getting anywhere or like I’m exactly winning either, but it just feels like I’m losing the battle.

 

I’m writing this as I sit in the dining hall of the university I go to and I’m watching a drama that I watched a thousand times. It’s a Japanese drama and if any of you know who Arashi is, Aiba Masaki is in it as the lead male. It’s a good drama with a cute little girl, but the ending leaves me a little confused. Other than that though, I would recommend watching it. I’m also watching another one that I’ve watched a thousand times, but I’m watching that with the nameless neighbor and her roommate, who surprisingly has never seen the drama before.

 

It’s not strange that the nameless neighbor has never seen it before, but it is a surprise that her roommate has never seen it before since she’s the one from Macau. She told me that she heard about it before, she just never saw it. It’s called Autumn Concerto, or the direct translation from Chinese is Next Stop, Happiness. It’s a Taiwanese drama starring Vanness Wu and a cute little kid, too.

 

Anyway, moving on, it just feels like I’m losing. It feels like all of the effort I put forth, which is just the same effort I do before, is going to waste. I think that with every passing day, he’s slowly going to her side and leaving mine. That was bound to happen anyway, right?

 

And it’s not like she’s oblivious to the whole situation either. She knows perfectly well what she’s doing. I see it in her eyes when she just glares at me or when she passes me. Like today I was playing a game on my iPod and she came in to the classroom. Puppy was already there and was watching some video on his laptop. The European girl, her nickname if any of you didn’t know, came in and she cheerfully said hello to Puppy and then she looked at me and said hello with the stupid nickname that she calls me.

 

So, because I was playing my game, I said hi without even looking up at her and then like suddenly her attitude changed and it sounded like she was upset because I didn’t look at her when I greeted her. It’s not my fault, I was playing a game before she walked into the room.

 

And then the other day my physics lecture was done, so I was packing up to leave and Puppy and the European girl were walking in. Puppy stopped talking to her and greeted me really loudly and I just looked up briefly to say hello before going back to packing my things because then that meant that I would’ve been done for the day. However, she didn’t say anything. I knew that she saw me, but she didn’t even greet me. I would’ve greeted her back, but it was a situation where she saw me first, so if she didn’t say it to me, then why should I say it to her?

 

The nameless neighbor, her roommate, and I were talking about this last night. We were saying how she just sits on my bed all of the time and not my roommate’s bed. The nameless neighbor and her roommate say that it’s because of power, that because it’s like my personal space that she sits on it to show dominance. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but apparently because of me being in the way of her and Puppy, she feels the need to do that.

 

She’s just…weird and slightly annoying. I mean, just going this far because you can’t really flirt with a guy, or rather a guy that you’re attempting to flirt with doesn’t pay attention to you.

 

I also believe that my roommate thinks the same way of her that I do. My roommate has a boyfriend, but when her friend was over, her friend asked what the situation was between the European girl and another guy that she flirts a lot with, and by a lot, I mean a lot.

 

Anyway, my roommate told her friend that she apparently doesn’t want a real relationship because she’s going to go back to where she came from, but still, she flirts with him a lot. Then why flirt if you don’t want a real relationship? Why? It just doesn’t make any sense.

 

I don’t know, but with her constant interfering, it just seems as though she’s getting closer to him than I am. Maybe it’s because she also intentionally goes to his lectures and sits there next to him. It’s not like I can actually do anything about it, other than just sit by and watch.

 

But the nameless neighbor thinks that Puppy is the closest to me, by the terms of friendship. That he seems more comfortable around me and that may be because of a couple of reasons, but it just seems like he’s closer to me than the other two.

 

I don’t know how to feel anymore. I still don’t even know if I like him anymore. I’m sure I liked him in the beginning, but like I said before, it was an unusual liking. It was one of those things that came suddenly that I didn’t know what was happening, and it may have left suddenly to.

 

I just like seeing him happy. I just like seeing him be his usual self. I think he’s shared parts of himself that he hasn’t shared with other people, including the part about being adopted and he even played me some piano instrumentals he said that he wrote and modified himself. Those things, I don’t even know if people even know about it, about that part of his life.

 

But no matter what happens, Puppy will always be special to me. Not because I like him or that we’re going through this, but honestly, he was the first person that I met that was adopted. He was the first person other than the people that my parents knew that is adopted. He was the first person that I found on my own to be adopted.

 

I don’t know much about his adoption, but frankly, I don’t care. I’m just glad that I found someone else who is without me knowing them before. I’m just happy at the simple fact.

 

And for that reason, Puppy will always be a special person to me.

 

And I'll think about having my college life as a fanfic. Or other than my college life, should I do my entire life? There have been other interesting points of my life other than college. Maybe I'll talk about those a bit. Me being naive and not knowing that a guy had a crush on me for at least ifve years. Yes, that has happened. And it was sort of like a drama, too in the respect that he was a jock and I was somewhat a nerd. I guess that's a drama?

 

Anyway, I might tell you that story, but that's the end of this blog post here.

 

Have a good morning, good afternoon, or goodnight! 

See you soon! :)