This...will be just me personally writing my confused state out, from thoughts to rants and shtuff. Feel free to ignore this if you wish haha xD

Ah well...one thing I always wondered is how, after a breakup and a few months (or okay, several, but still not even a year later), someone can just...get another boyfriend. ;A; I JUST DUN GET IT. How can you get over someone that quickly? How -

I mean, you kissed that person, held their hand, accepted their flaws but still liked them, spent all those times thinking of great gifts for them and spending money, time, tears together. You actually dedicate yourself to that person. 24/7. You listen to their problems and check up on them, you remember even the smallest things and update them, and try to cheer them up even if you may be tired. You pick them up, you fly with them...And plus, you take a bajillion photos with them...Maybe it's just my writer, over-romanticist self. Maybe it's because of my past infatuation w/k-pop and their millions of songs about love that got to me. But...seriously, I just...don't know. I know I have no right to judge; who knows what happened with the story of the past person and the current person she is with.../sigh idk I guess I'm just a bit frustrated at how relationships are so distorted. Half of the times it just looks like flings - people rushing to get a boyfriend or girlfriend to go along with the high school flow. Of course people change - it's natural - but some people I used to know have...gotten a bit unnecessarily hooked onto guys. Kissing only after a month. Leaving him for this dude, and then all of a sudden being with that dude.

And this is just one small example; after all, my high school (aka dating academy; heck, even hiding out in the library doesn't work anymore) is just one out of many, and all moments are fleeting.

But love - genuine love - seems so distorted ;A; Of course I'm at fault too, for I scorn and judge them in my mind way too easily. And only with the long-term couples do I actually respect them. Who am I to do so, you know? After all, in James it specifically says that. God is the Judge. Plus what do I know about dating, or any increment of their own life stories?

Yet, I can't help it sometimes. /face palm I just...can't.

I may imagine myself with someone else my hormones decide to obsess over (normally, if not always, a senior fob dude), and I may come up with all these scenes for my novel stories, but in the end, I genuinely thank the LORD that at least He's keeping me away from all this mayhem. Jealousy and wonder are inevitable feelings for me sometimes, but I wonder what He really has in purpose for giving me these feelings as I watch the other billion couples at my school. I wonder.

Another thing that's been whirring in my mind...Words (or the lack of them), and the power they really have.

We praise the LORD at church and we share testimonies and all, but due to another suicide happening at a school neighboring mine - a year right after one happened at ours - I realized the desperate, urgent need for us to fulfill His Will and spread His Word, before more people jump off buildings and bring their lives, dreams, hopes, potential, and future to a screeching, permanent halt...The general story is that the jumper this year, a senior boy (at  our school the boy was a freshman) already had parent troubles, but also got broken up with his gf that very day. Ofc she didn't know this would happen, and though we will never know the true story, that must've been the last straw. Apparently she was terrible to him (eh. can be a rumor) but she's...mentally unstable now. She just stares off into space because of the shock. Suicides...have such an effect. Don't do it. You're special, and you're loved. You deserve it.

Yet, how would those who are hurting inwardly know this?

Hence, we need to move. To show the light through our imperfections and the unique blessings He's given each and every one of us.

The Bible says that once everyone HEARS the news of the LORD, He will come. Just hear.

It's happening soon. Don't keep the grace and the blessings of the LORD to yourself...spread it. Allow other people to rejoice and join in the songs of praise~

After all, "Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins" - James 5:20. We need to get moving. We do. As the infamous quote (which is also indirectly from God), Be the change you want to be in this world. Ne? ^^

God Bless everyone <3 Have a great weekend, and stay warm in the cold~