Once Upon a Time

"Life is a journey that we must take, thus the journey will end only when we no longer exist."

 

      I was born on July 25th. Raised like a princess as a child, I got almost everything I wanted. From toys to electronic devices, I was spoiled rotten. I could convince my parents into buying me pointless things, though children want things they find intriguing.

      When I reached the age of 2, my mom loved to dress me in pretty skirts and dresses. My hair would be done up in pigtails and I would explore the world, wondering why I could see so many faces yet I could not see my own. Perhaps, it felt so foreign to me because I never quite understood.

       Now when I reached to my elementary school days, things started off confusing. I'd get into trouble over pointless things, things that my 7 year old mind couldn't comprehend.

       For example, only in the second grade, I had followed my friends and joined them as well climb a tall fence. My guy friends had ratted us out and we were sent to the principles office, forced to sit ouside in the office with humiliation and terror written all over our little faces.

       As I evolved as a 4th grader, I realized how ridiculous teachers were, especially when it came to certain things. I had ran up the stairs, only to be stopped by a man who sent me to the principle's office for "diobeying" him. I once again felt that humiliation and nearly cried.

       I could not quite forget 5th grade, especially when I befriended a girl who had transferred into my class, a little more than half way through the school year. Her name was Rachel I believe and she was my first best friend.

        We were always together, be it lunch or during class, we'd sit and chat, sharing a Garfield comic book together. I had become attached to her, enjoying her company and teasing her playfully. That all came to an end when she unexpectedly left, right before we started 6th grade.

         The hole in my heart at that time had been sore, especially when my classmates asked me where she had gone. I didn't want to talk about her and as a child, missing the maturity, I was confused. It made me wonder if I had been the reason she suddenly left.

         When I met my best friend in 6th grade, right into the month of October, everything changed. The light reached my eyes again and hole sealed itself, though still empty to this day.

         Then the confusion began when it hit me....

~~

         I met her during my grade 7 year, we had become acquainted through band. She was a fantastic artist and over all, had a little more intelligence than most, like my best friend.

         I didn't quite understand what I felt but over some time, my heart stirred to life when I saw her. She wasn't pretty, she wasn't ugly, but to me, she looked fine the way she was.

         She liked to hit me on the arm, like the few of my friends, and I would let her, enjoying her attention. Perhaps in my 7th grade mind, I had wondered why I felt this way. Unlike the many boys I was around, I felt nothing like this with them.

         The first person I told had been my best friend, who didn't seem at all bothered by this. She listened to me as I told her of these feelings, wondering why I had them.

          Then in that time, we graduated from our elementary and moved on like a school of fish, ready to mold our futures. I said my goodbyes to her, deciding that these feelings were probably nothing.

          But as soon as I entered my high school, I realized that things were different.

          I became reserved and cold towards the strangers around me, preferring not to use my voice. I have no clue how I managed to remain silent for so long, despite the attempts people made to befriend me.

          Eventually I opened up, it was then a wave of emotions hit me once again. I met two girls, two girls that I somehow ended up taking interest in but I got over them in such a short time.

          One had been a senior, a girl who was pretty short with a cute pair of dimples when she smiled. As a lost 8th grader, I found myself admiring her from time to time, wondering why she had such a pretty face. She was even a fantastic musician with leadership qualities...

          The other girl had been a lazy one. She had red-brown curls with olive green eyes but she was the one to know my name during the year of being in the same classes. She had been nice to me.

           But of course, I forgot those feelings in a short amount of time. It was just a childish infatuation, why should I keep those feelings?

           Then I met a girl, a girl who was feisty and strong despite having a small proportion. She was the girl to become good friends with during 8th grade but it wasn't until we became distant in 9th grade, did I realize I liked her.

           We both would fangirl over DBSK together and she would punch me in the arm whenever she saw me. I let her, becoming like a puppy dog around her. I followed her orders and let her drag me around the school. I'd complain but in the end, I knew I liked her attention.

           But when we became distant, that's when depression kicked in. I began to have those thoughts about death, wondering if my life even mattered or not. Feeling all of those expectations and listening to my father's mean jokes, I resented myself.

            I had been close when I had been alone at home, staring at the knife in the kitchen. I had felt tempted to take some of the pain away, hoping this new pain would make me forget. But I never did it, not when I knew how wrong it was.

             I thought there was no light left in the world, that I would forever retain myself into the darkness. But then, one fine autumn day, I met the girl who took my heart with just a breathtaking smile and a burning gaze.

~~

             I met her during a school event, forced to waste my last ticket on a water balloon. At the time, I was taken by another, though I couldn't call it a relationship at all. Anyway, I bought a water balloon from her and I had to throw it at one of the key club execs.

             I looked through the photos she showed me and pointed to one, only to mentally face palm when I had accidentally chosen this girl right in front of me. She was short with her hair tied in a neat ponytail, wearing a kind smile.

             I had thrown the water balloon at her with minimal force and watched it rebound off of her body, exploding by her feet. She gave me a friendly round of applause, telling that it was a good try, then left.

             From that day, I never forget her. But when I was informed about who my section leader was, my jaw had dropped when I recalled the name under that one photo.

             When school came back, I spent that one day, gawking at her silently. She was definitely cute but it was her face that made me gulp. I remembered her but had she remembered me? No, definitely not.

             At first, I didn't notice her. I was still hung up over my previous crush that I saw her as any other girl. But that one day, when she put her hand on my shoulder and shook it playfull with a kind smile, my heart had skipped at beat.

             She unlocked a new side of me that I couldn't handle. The selfish, careless me had become sympathetic and kinder to those around me.

             She picked on me a lot, probably because she either thought I was a potential troublemaker or perhaps she knew I wasn't really trying my best. I have no clue but eventually, she gave up on shaping me into a better clarinet player. With that guilty thought, I had decided that I had to work harder.

             She was definitely different, very unique in her own way. I didn't quite know why I felt so obligated to do things for her, I usually didn't feel the need to express my feelings to her in my own indirect way.

             When I confessed to her by facebook, I felt immensely afraid. I was trembling like an idiot, wondering why it was so hard to tell her in person. When I finally confessed in person, I realized why I did those small things for her.

             I love her. I do love her with my heart. I wouldn't do any of those for just anyone, only her because she was and still is special to me. I care about her more than I've cared about anything. Even my SNSD fanatic ways had been pushed aside for her, my eyes would only look at her, despite the many others around me.

             I only saw her and only her among the crowd of students. She may have rejected me in a nice way but it still stung a lot. Seeing her happy was all I wanted though.

             When she's with him, I hope she's happy. That's all I can ask for and despite still being hung up over her, after all... she's the first girl I ever loved. I know she had part of my heart, though when I meet my special someone, this love that I have for her will be dulled just to fit the love I have for my soul mate.

             If this isn't love, I don't know what is. I'm barely happy nowadays but when I see her smile, I'm happier than ever. She doesn't have to feel the same way about me, all that matters is that she's smiling.

~~

              Over the course of time, I began to snapped off my little tree of happiness like a broken branch.

              But as the tree began to bloom with the bright, colourful leaves, I had hope that I would endure live's little game and find my purpose in life.