*Review by Midnight-B2UTYfrom baby-steps-shoppe♥*

Story Title: Face It, Be Mine

Created by: Boombyeby123 

Reviewed by: Midnight-B2UTY   

Number of chapters: 22 [Ongoing]

Genre: fluff

Yuri///rated: -

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Title [4/5]

It’s properly capitalized, which is great. However, it’s a bit cliché-sounding and not that original.

Poster and background [5/5]

It was nice and clean, and even animated.

Description and foreword [8/10]

It was good but not the most interesting description I’ve read. Also, you don’t need to capitalize the “course” in “Of course.”

Content and main plot [13 /20]

I guess the plot is pretty okay. I laughed but not a lot.

Also, that business party thing around chapter twelve is a bit over-exaggerated to me. I mean, I don’t understand why there needs to be so much security. It’s not like the President of South Korea is there or anything. Yeah, they’re all rich and stuff but the amount of security doesn’t need to be that high.

Actually, there are a lot of other scenes that are overly dramatic, too. Like, the part where she kept thinking JR was a homeless man. It wasn’t that funny to me but annoying. She’s supposed to be an adult, and yes; adults can be immature and thoughtless, but she’s supposed to be the sophisticated daugther of a large company. Then there’s the part where her dress ripped when all he did was simply step (?) on it. I don’t know about you but that sounds like a pretty cheap ball gown to me.

I had to dock a few more points because it was honestly a bit cliché. I easily predicted what was going to happen and when it did happen, I knew that I had seen it before (the business party, one of the classic scenes in every fanfic with rich people; the trip to the mountains).

Characterisation [12 /15]

I thought your characters were fine. I like how you didn’t tell the readers their personalities in the description/foreword and made the reader find out through the story.

However, I think JR is a bit cliché. He’s mysterious and quiet and not into dating.

I also think Yoora’s personality is sometimes contrasting. Sometimes she’s really cute and really spazzy and really nice. Then, all of a sudden, she’s all sarcastic and mean.

Another example of her contrasting personality is when it comes to Jonghyun. When he was helping fix her dress, she was pretty calm and thankful towards him (after she had been done accusing him of being a ert). Then, when she goes into the class and sees him, she’s back to calling him a ert? It’s not funny for me, but a bit confusing instead.

Basic grammar/spelling [12 /15]

You have a few typos, so I think you should really proof-read your chapters since I’ll point out the important ones only.

Yours [Ch.1]: “Who knew there were still people as dumb as you around?” He mumbled.

Corrected: “Who knew there were still people as dumb as you around?” he mumbled.

Yours [Ch.2]: “Why?” He asked.

Corrected: “Why?” he asked.

Firstly, let me explain what a dialogue tag is; a dialogue tag is the sentence after a dialogue that explains how something was said. Examples: he said, she squealed, he asked, she yelled, etc. Whenever you have a dialogue tag, it doesn’t need to be capitalized.

If the sentence that follows the dialogue is an action, then you need to capitalize it. “Actions” as in: he punched, she ran, he grabbed, she jumped, etc.

Also, if you put a dialogue tag after a speech, you never ever end the dialogue with a period. It must always be a comma (unless it’s an exclamation mark or a question mark).

Here’s another thing about dialogue: whenever a new person speaks, it’s a new paragraph.

Because you often have a lot of sentences during a person’s speech, you should try adding dialogue tags between the speech; that way, it’s more detailed and gives the reader a break.

Yours [Ch.6]: “Yeah.. It’s sort of close. Maybe they just wanted to show that her death isn’t going to stop them from business. Okay, I suppose I’ll go. When is it?” I asked.

Corrected: “Yeah, it’s sort of close,” I agreed. “Maybe they just wanted to show that her death isn’t going to stop them from business?” I suggested to her, shrugging my shoulders. “I suppose I’ll go, but when is it?” I asked curiously.

Reason: I think it’s good to use a lot of dialogue tags; they’re descriptive and make it easy for the reader to imagine. But don’t use too much.

Yours [Ch.11]: “He still shouldn’t of had said that to me.”

Corrected: He still shouldn’t have had said that to me.”

Reason: When you say “shouldn’t have” aloud, it sounds like “shouldn’t of,” right? That’s wrong; it’s correctly written as “shouldn’t have.” You also make this mistake a few times again in chapter 16.

Writing style [8/10]

I think your writing style is pretty good. You’re a great writer, really. I think your writing style really helps the reader connect with the story and feel the emotions of the characters.

I docked a few points off because I don’t like stories in the 1^st person point of view. Oh, but I’m glad you didn’t do ~~~~ or _____ because I hate that even more.

Flow of the story [8/10]

I think the flow was, overall, good but a bit slow sometimes. Firstly, Hoya is one of your main characters, yet he wasn’t introduced until after twelve chapters. Then, even though we’re nineteen chapters in, he doesn’t get enough lines and “screentime” to be considered a main character. L gets more lines and scenes, and he’s not even a main character.

Entertainment [7/10]

I liked Yoora’s constant spazzing. She was honestly pretty relatable. However, the predictably cliché chapters made it a bit dull.

Total: 77/100

Bonus [2/5]

Grand Fianl: 79%

Grade: A

Thank you, Midnight-B2UTY!