OMG MOST NERVE-WRACKING THING EVER!

So tomorrow is the deadline for my school's new head girl which is open to my year group.  Yonks ago I told my mum I would defo go in for it because who doesn't want to be headgirl?!

Anyway now that the time has come I'm nervous, so nervous, like really really really really nervous and I'm not sure I want to go in for it anymore... but I do at the same time.

*sigh* it's slightly complicated.

You have to be confident, organised, able to handle all your work as well as the added duties that comes with the title, you have to be willing to give up your time and whatnot, be a good ambassador for the school as well as many others and to be honest I'm not sure I'm cut out for all of it.

I would say I'm quite a confident person but the truth is deep down I don't think I am. I go bright red when I'm the centre of attention, I giggle and hide behind my hands when I'm nervous and don't even get me started on the clammy hands and butterflies when faced with a large group of people! So how am I supposed to do something like this?

I have to write a letter and give it in by 3:15pm tomorrow and then a few days later I'll find out if I have an interview or not which involves me having to stand up in front of 4 senior members of staff and give a 10 minute presentation on why I would be good for the job. WHAT THE HELL I CAN'T DO THAT AND IT'S NOT AS IF I CAN SAY NO I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE. WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO?!

*screams internally*

The only problem is I don't want to not go in for it because I know I would regret it. I know I would so badly but I'm worried. I can barely keep up with my work now, in my second year my workload will only increase and then add on the pressure of head girl, I don't know if I'll be able to cope.

I just don't know what to do.

Having a head girl on your CV or university application would look so good and I'd think I would enjoy it if I did get the job (of course that excludes having to give speeches to large crowds of people. I would probably die). 2 years ago I was a senior prefect which is kinda like head girl but a lot less prestigious and not as large scale, but I did have to write a letter and have an interview with 3 senior members of staff but that was an 'informal chat' and I got nervous even then.

My heart is going kinda fast just thinking about it.

Ughhhhh I just don't know what to do!!

In a way I don't think my poor heart and nerves can be up for something like this. I wouldn't mind being deputy head girl because that's pretty much the same but I'm not ed in the lime light nor do I have to make speeches kekeke but to get that role I still have to go through the same process.

Maybe I should muck up slightly but still be pretty good so I can get deputy head girl. Can I do that?

I think I'd be much happier doing that instead because I've still got all the responsibilities and everything and overall I would be much happier. The only reason why I'm scepticle about head girl is the giving speeches thing. I'm worried.

And how can I talk about myself for 10 minutes, I have to wear a suit as well! O_O

I'm going to have a chat with my mum when she gets home.

I'll let you know what happens.

Thanks for listening^^