It never occurs to her that she would have chance to live her fantasy.

It never occurs to her that the dream she had long time ago came true (or maybe half of true).

It never occurs to her that she would be someone she hates the most, the type of being selfish and unreasonable for her own concerns.

But life is essentially unpredictable and also unfair.

She keeps telling me that somehow it is what she needs right now, an undefined relationship, no string attached, that she’s not ready for love. I remain silent because she has been experienced and old enough to defend for herself.

But I know which part of her being insecure. I know that when she claimed “It’s okay.” she was not sure, when she said “I love you” she didn’t mean it. I know it because when I asked her if it hurt as she smiled and talked to him about his marriage plan with another girl, she just stopped in the middle, tilted her head aside and didn’t give me a proper answer. Instead, she asked me in response “Does it?” and I was speechless.

After all, she is the toughest girl I have ever known.

And I believe when it comes to the right time, she will put an end to her hopeless feeling, by herself.