Hey everyone, it's me Clearwater. Nope, I have NOT abandoned my blog, I just had nothing really to write about....up till now. This is just my rant about how my friends treat me, maybe you can relate or maybe you might know someone like this or maybe you can even give some advice to me or people who are feeling like this. 

                      I live in an all-white community. Probably a .3% of Asians in this community. So, that means all my best friends are white. Yesterday was my best friends birthday celebration, and we went out to eat at Applebeas (btw our bill came out to $104!) and had a sleepover at her house. Now, Im a crazy, crazy person when you get to know me. But for some reason, I've been awkward ever since I met this one friend of mine(the one that's really flirty). Im not sure why, but I've seem to taken after my sister, because there was this one phrase my sister told me that stuck to me forever "What's the use of talking when it's not important?". So, ever since my sister told me that and I met that friend, I've been super super awkward. ANyways. back to the story, at the sleepover, I was trying to adjust back to my old, crazy self. I did some pretty crazy, fun stuff, and I felt good doing that, because it made me feel like I was becoming less awkward. Until, my friend made this one phrase, "You do it so awkwardly.". People don't know, but that hurts me badly. I hate being called awkward, I don't want to be awkward. I try to be myself, but every ing thing in the world has to somehow be related to awkwardness. I'm that friend that's always being teased, and I hate it. I don't want to be teased. Even though they're joking around, Im really sensitive, so I take that stuff seriously. So that kinda was a minus point to my night. *sighs*

                    Next, at the sleepover, I was ready to pass out and just sleep. It's a must for me, that before I sleep, I listen to KPOP. My friends know I love KPOP and know I obsess over it. I guess, my friends took that oppurtunity to tease me. They teased me saying that "Why do you listen to all that Asian stuff, you're so Asian", "You don't even know what they're saying". They even made fun of G-Dragon's That XX, my favorite song. I was really upset, but of course, I made no emotion towards it. I let them laugh, I like making people laugh. Anyways, we fell asleep. That morning, when I woke up, I listened to KPOP again, trying to give myself a morning boost. My morning was sailing fine, till Melle (let's call her that. She's the one that's super flirty and apparently is in a commited relationship) said the one thing that threw me off, "KPOP , you know it . It's not even that good".  Now, some people might be saying "it's just a genre and they're just people" but you don't understand how much KPOP means to me. It helps me show my emotions, without even saying a word. It's basically my audio diary. It helped me see what path I wanna take in life, and who I want to be. So, that one phrase, killed me. Of course, I said a simple reply, "it's because you guys are cultural like that" and put in my earphones, and held back my tears. And what the most, is that Melle is so in to music and is a singer, but she can't even respect the music that I like? And I can't say anything, you wanna know why? It's because she'll claim Im making a big deal and that she was joking around. But I don't care if she's joking around, it hurts. Another reason why I can't say anything, she's suicidal. As in, been in all that drama and stuff and she cut herself. But it's not fair, I never trashes her love, why does she have to trash mine? And why didn't my best friends didn't say anything? Whenever they're in a uncomfortable situation, im there to pull them out and back them up. Why didn't they do it for me?

                    What do you guys think? Am I really taking this too seriously? I just find it unfair, how my friends tease me and call me awkward and make fun of the stuff I like, without me judging them and their wierd obsession. Is it because im an easy target? Is it because im the only non-white person, so they can do that? I don't know. I just don't like it, I want them to stop. Im fine with joking around, but sometimes, they take it to extremes, and I don't know what to do. Anyone else get this?