I don't think it is considered selfishness when you opt not to share your things with irresponsible people.

I have lost two books just because mom let my cousins borrow the novels dad bought me for their book reports; those I haven't read. OTL. They would never read Ivanhoe and Hercules, I was certain. They would never give those two the time of day. I remembered crying when I was ten because I know they are forever lost. 

My dad found out and told me that he would never buy me any book from then on. It was so unfair. And I cried some more. I told him that I wasn't the one who gave away my books.

True enough, when I asked my cousins about my books, one told me unrepentantly that she threw Hercules away and then I found Ivanhoe, without it's front cover under the coffee table. I asked if he was able to write a book report and he told me, he never did read the novel.

Why didn't they just return it, or better yet why did they even borrow my books. No. I think mom suggested it. LOL. That's how she is with my cousins.

Time skip.

Three years ago, while waiting inside a bookstore, I saw Ivanhoe and Hercules. I was earning money then and I felt happy that I am able to 'buy it back' :)

But later that evening, my mom saw my purchase and what she said struck me, "You have never forgiven me about the incident. How long will you keep blaming me?"

I was stunned for a moment because I was honestly not thinking about that. All I want is for the books to return to me. It is true that I blamed my mom for a time but  I was ten and that was so long ago. I have accepted the fact that she did it because my cousins are children of her sisters.That and she likes to make a decision for us. And my dad cleared me of the offense.

Although I have forgiven them, mom included, I made sure that it never happens again. First, I no longer let myself get attached with my things. Second, with those things I am attached to, I hide them, lol xD. The trick is not to hide everything. For example, my craft papers. The cheap ones are in plain sight while the pretty origami papers are inside my box. That way, my mom and sis would never suspect me of hiding anything and they would just use those regular construction paper. HAHA. And the hiding with be more successful once I get my own room. 

I lost another book; another one of my dad's gifts. The one who borrowed it let others borrow it. Toink. But I got it back. An ate gifted it to me. Hehe. She searched for it in Manila.

I don't think it is selfishness. There are things that can't be borrowed and there are people that can't be trusted with certain things. 

My bestfriend never lost any book she borrowed from me. Because she is a bookworm and has a library of books in her house. She knows the value of books.

Even if I still remember this, it doesn't mean that I have not completely forgiven them. Forgiving isn't about forgetting. Otherwise, God wouldn't have given me a pretty huge memory space inside my head. Little things trigger past memories that I thought were long forgotten. Past experiences teach us lessons. And whew, that is one tearful experience I don't think I could ever forget. But I have forgiven them. I can look at them and not see Ivanhoe or Hercules stamped in their foreheads. LOL.