Story: Light Up My World.

Title: 2/5

Truth be told, I didn't find it very catchy. Also, you stated that it was taken from One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful", which I must say doesn't really make sense because the only part in the oneshot that pertained to the "light" word was the part when Baekhyun finally confessed to her, with all those lightbulbs forming words. I'm sorry, but I really think that you could've done better with the title; although it was only loosely inspired by the song, people tend to get the wrong idea from the title and it wouldn't be what they had initially expected.

Description / Foreword: 5/10

Details were there, which is a good thing. There's something wrong with the summary though; in the part that you typed in

"She's sure to find out pretty soon."

You could've simply put it as

"She's about to find out."

Because are you sure she's gonna find it out? I mean, not that I question your writing, since you're the author and you've got the story outlined in your head already, but you could've given people the curiosity to go on and read. They're the readers; it's something they should look forward to. Also, in the foreword part, it was completely unnecessary for you to put in the lyrics from where you got the title. Again, it only had a small thing to do with the whole story.

Plot / Originality: 8/20

The plot wasn't very original, to put it crudely. It's way too overused. Best friends who fall for each other? We see a lot of them in AFF right now, alongside the ice princess-shy boy (or vice versa) tandem, the enemies-who-turned-into-lovers, and all those cliched love stories we probably know have a small chance of happening in real life. I know it's fanfiction, I know it's supposed to be a modern fairytale story, but don't you think you could've tweaked it a little bit? Like, adding some kind of hindrance? Your "hindrance" there was cliched as well; Baek was too chicken to ask her out, blah blah. No. It's too simple and it's expected from these kinds of stories. Another thing, you said that they live together? Woah, there. I'm sure childhood best friends won't even agree to this, especially since they're of the opposite gender. In short, it's not believable.

Characterization: 10/20

Characters were too cliche, and to be honest, I found Soomin's character a bit contradicting. You said that Baekhyun found her motherly and sweet, whereas you stated that she was a "fighter", a headstrong young woman. Don't you think it's weird? Baekhyun has also been portrayed as the shy guy one-too-many times, truth be told. Maybe you could've made him into a person who was more... inclined to voice his feelings out? Not that he seemed so feeble with your writing style, it's just that... the nice-guy Baekhyun needs to be dropped. Even if it's just for once.

Mechanics (grammar, punctuation, spelling): 20/25

Please be mindful of the punctuations you use. There are some sentences that need a breather every now and then, since you used commas. If someone were to read it, they'd be catching their breaths every now and then. I suggest that you use semicolons ( ; ) sometimes, or better yet, sort your thoughts out and invest on periods. It's a good thing that you described things well; it gives us more insight and therefore renders your story more.. real. You get my drift, yeah?

Flow: 5/10

Some scenes seemed choppy and you jumped from one setting to another, which still seemed unclear as to how much time has passed (a few minutes, hours, days even?). Also, don't you think Soomin fell for Baekhyun a little too fast for your own liking? There was no indication whatsoever that she was attracted to him, in the first place. Maybe you could've dropped a hint or two, but I honestly didn't see it coming that fast. As for the confession part, it seemed kind of rushed, actually; from what I've read, I assumed that Baekhyun was stuttering and then Soomin altogether decided to just cut him off and become his instant girlfriend. There was no development of feelings whatsoever in Soomin's part, and that made everything unclear as to why she wanted to become Baekhyun's girlfriend.

Overall enjoyment: 4/10

I'm sorry, but it didn't impress me that much. It was a nice read though; don't be discouraged, and I hope you improve through my comments! c:

Total: 54/100