Hi guys, as you can see, the tag for this blog is bullying. I have had my fair share of bullying. I've been the bully and the one bullied. I regret playing the 'bully' role, because I know how bad it feels.

I'm sure that everyone has at least been hurt (intentionally or unintentionally) by a bully, or someone close to them. To every one I bullied; I know that you guys don't know me personally, but I would just like to say. I am really sorry. I've always hated myself for doing all those aweful things to you. (just to let everyone know, I didn't physically bully.)

Bullies often blame others of their mistakes, heck, everyone does that. But I realise that my mistakes are my own. To those who have been or are being bullied, stand up for yourself; BUT don't do what I did and bully the bully. Because, sometimes, when you think you're only defending youself, you (accidently) hurt the latter (the bully).

Bullying is a never ending cycle. I moved to a new country when I was starting elementary school. I didn't know any english then.  There, I was bulied by my "best friend's'' two older brothers. They chased me around the school, took my bag and so on. Once, I felt so bad and unwanted, that I told my mom that I was sick just to prevent myself from not going to school. The following year, I turned 6. At such a young age, I was already exposed to the ugly side of life. People I considered friends talked behind my back. My 'buddy' teased me about my bad teeth (I loved chocolate^^). Even a guy I thought was kind and smart got me in trouble. He told me to copy his work, and that the teacher allowed it, but the teacher saw and ripped up my book. I hated maths ever since.

One moring, I said "Hello" to a year 6 student. He gave me the bird (middle finger). Even a small gesture hurt my feelings. It wasn't until Year 2 when I moved school. But my parents didn't know I was being bullied. We moved because of my parent's jobs. So I moved to another school. I thought that I would be different. Maybe everyone would like me now. I smiled everyday. I greeted my teachers and classmates every morning. I never said anything bad about anyone. Because I was new, I didn't have the same uniform.

One time, we were having sports.  I didn't have the proper uniform. So, I wore dark blue tracksuit pants to school. When I arrived to school, everyone stared at me. By the time the bell went, everyone stood in their lines. I looked around and heard people laughing and shouting while looking at me. I couldn't understand them properly because I wasn't fluent in english yet, and because it was too noisy. But I did hear one thing. "LOOK SHE'S WEARING HER PYJAMAS TO SCHOOL!" The pointed and laughed at me.

From what I remember, the teasing stopped there, until Year 3. In year 3, I developed this HUGE crush on this guy. I also made new friends. 4, to be exact. I thought: "How lucky, this is going to a good year." But I was wrong.

I told my new 'friend' about my crush, what I liked about him and why etc... It turns out that she would do anything, I mean ANYTHING to get more popular. She told everyone, including my crush my secret. The boys in my class would tease me. My crush would pretend to like me. We had seating arrangments on the floor, so I had to sit in front of him. He played with my hair all the time. I thought that he liked me back. But one time, I heard him say "She's such a loner, no one likes her."

I was shattered.

The teasing continued the next year.

Year 4 was terrible. I wanted to tell my teacher, but I couldn't. I had difficulty making friends again. If I would find a friend, a fight would always happen and they would all ditch me. I ate lunch alone. I'm not good at maths at all. My teacher knew that. And instead of helping me, she made my confidence worse. Every moring, she would hold a ''maths quiz." She would give everyone the easiest questions, then give me freaking long division. When I told her that I didn't know the answer, she replied: "You know why you don't know? Because you're lazy." I just got hurt by that one accusation. I practise every night on my maths and english, I would sleep at 11:45 pm every night. One time,  we were studying China, and her history. The topic of arrangedmarriage was read out. I was taken aback about that and whispered to myself. "That's mean." my teacher asked: "What did you say?" I replied: "I said "That's mean.'" She only smiled at me, the class was engrossed in our 'conversation'. She smiled at me and said back: "Yes, that's you." Some of my class mates smiled and giggled, I just looked down and tried not to show any sign of emotion. In other words, I held back my tears.

In year 6, I was tired of being bullied and hurt. I switched roles and became the bully. I regret it so badly. I just want to take everything I said back and everything I did, I wanted that to happen to me. I realised this and tried to be kinder. But I got bullied again. I developed a liking to the 'monkey-bars'. Once, I jumped to the third bar, the bar shook a little, like it always does, because it was an old playground. This girl went up to me alongside a guy. They were both my classmates. "Stop making the bars shake so much. You're so fat." The funny thing was she was way fatter than me. (im not trying to be mean or tease anyone, sorry if anyone gets offended.)

Since then, I've avoided monkey-bars and I skipped breakfast and only ate half of my lunch, sometimes I don't eat lunch at all.

Now, being on Facebook. And I'm sure most of you are on facebook; I am recently a victim of cyberbullying. This girl and I were 'fighting' about Hyuna. I personally don't like Hyuna's concept. Her music isn't my type either. I don't hate her. But I don't like her either. The bully said to me: "She's beautiful and successful and you're not." and "You aren't even worth talking to." There were more insults, but I thing you guys get the jist. I need to leave a note. I think that's the only way I can get over it.

Dear XXXX XXXXXXX,

How could you call me a ? You've never met me personally. You don't know my history. You've never had a conversation with me in real life. How could just start calling all these names? All I've tried to do was try to make you understand what you misunderstood. I'm not a hater. Hyuna's music just isn't my favourite, I just don't like her concept. BUT I DON'T HATE HER. And besides, aren't I entitled to my own opinion? Isn't it a free country? Don't I have freedom of speech too? Please just understand that. I've never called you any names. This is because I actually have never seen you're face. I've got enough restraint to not call you what you called me.

I know that I'm not beautiful, people have been telling me that my whole life. I don't have the best skin, I was born with ezcema, I can't control that.   I don't particularly have a Megan Fox body. It's in my family's genes to not have much of a slender, bodily figure. Of course I'm not successful, I'm still in school. People have already told me that through words and actions that I'm not worth talking to, heck, they've told me that I'm not worth anything.

All those things you said to me hurt. I've been told those thing so many times that I actually believe them now. PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME THAT I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL OR SMART BEFORE. THEY'VE TOLD ME THAT I WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING BEFORE. SO YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME AGAIN. BECAUSE ALL THAT DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE ALREADY. Do you think that I don't know these things?

Every year, I'm bullied intentionally and unintentionally. Every year, I try to ignore what they say. Every year, I try to stay strong. EVERY YEAR I FEEL MORE AND MORE WORTHLESS.

As the years pass, and as more and more comments about my physical appearance and intellectual abilities strike me down, they leave craters, And I've been hit so much that 80% of me are just craters.

Please realise what you are doing is wrong and hurtful,

-That '''' on facebook-

If you're being bullied don't sit and cry. Stand up for yourself. But be careful on how you go about it.

-WitchChunji