First of all, it's 3:03 am.

3oh!3 get it? Haha :D Sorry, sorry. I'm just sort of tired and I find stupid stuff amusing.

This is sort of personal, so if you're not interested you might want to click away.

Sometimes, I have so many feelings inside that I think I might explode or cry or maybe both. Usually, that's when I write.

These bands, these idols, they inspire me with their hardwork and determination and the music they make. They're amazing. Like Jiyong, he began training at eight and is now crazy famous and doing what he loves. Junhong began at eleven. I'm sure lots of others have been doing this since they were children.

I'm twenty and I do absolutely nothing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is seeing these people makes me feel so happy/proud/ecstatic/hyper/other-positive-adjectives, but at the same time, seeing them makes me feel like a slacker or a deadbeat. There are so many things I want to do, but I'm afraid and I don't know how to begin. Sometimes, I wonder if this is all I'll ever be. If when I'm 80, I'll look back and I won't have accomplished anything.

On a different note, sometimes, I look at the posts on tumblr (PEOPLE ACTUALLY  RECOMMEND MY FICS THERE!!! I almost died of happiness when I saw that earlier :D) and I just have soooooo many feelings. Like strong, overwhelming feelings. Fics are usually inspired by those, but there are times when I just want to make these boys (in general, I'm referring to all K-pop idols, but specifically, Big Bang, B.A.P, SHINee, Block B) sit down and eat a damn sandwhich and then take a twelve hour nap. Or hug them. Or have them hug each other. Maybe all of the above.

I know it's crazy since I don't know them personally, and they could be jackasses, but I wish I could protect them from the hurtful things people say and do. I wish I could make sure they stay healthy and don't strain themselves too much. I wish they could be happy.

Has anyone heard if Block B will continue being a band? I'd really like to know. Also, how do people get information/see the Korean television shows with K-pop idols so quickly? I have the internet and everything, but I have no idea where anyone finds that stuff.

And after all of these ridiculous thoughts tonight, for some reason I started thinking about my ex-boyfriend and... gah. I have really vivid dreams about him once in awhile and they seem so real, but then I wake up and it hurts. I miss him so much that it makes me feel sick, but then I think about it and I know that I don't really miss him. I just miss having someone to love that will love me back. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't one of those hopeless romantics. Life might be less lonely.

Okay, okay, if you've made it this far you deserve a gold medal. I'm sorry for whining and sorry you read all that. I won't write anything this dumb again. Thank you for letting me vent to you when there's nobody else :)