I have come to realize that I am not a friend keeper.

I rarely make friends, only acquaintances. It takes a lot from me to form relationships because I know it wouldn't last. I have changed schools and addresses far too many times to know that change is the only permanent thing in this world. And so why hold on to something that wouldn't last?

But there are a few who are persistent. Lol. And eventually, I came to consider them as friends. I lived every day with them knowing it might be the last and I treasured those moments. 

Time came when we needed to say goodbye. But I was never good at it. I would always quietly slip away during graduations and not attend any parties. 

I let go.

I think it is easier for me to let go than hold on. 

They would text but I rarely or never respond. Lol. I don't even talk to my cousins, and they never said bye bye lol. (My dad complains about this, haha. I don't text him either lol)

I move on, thankful for the memories but I never look back. I never attended a single reunion. 

Online, the same thing happens and it is much easier.

Most of you are younger than me and so I stop myself from giving you a reason to stay. I don't have one anyway. Because the moment you feel like leaving, I know that it is time for you to continue your journey on a different path. 

I find it odd to find myself here sometimes. I no longer follow a certain group. I don't have any biases or favorites. Unless you blog about it, chances are, I would never listen to the song, watch the music video or kdrama. I stopped reading others' stories a long time ago.

But the OC in me wouldn't let me leave until I completed all the fics I impulsively posted. Lol. And Keeper still finds comfort in this playground. After a long day at the Institute, I would run here and play. I would go to Social, if I don't have notifications, and stalk blogs. Or my latest hobby: vote in polls. But I don't vote when writers ask which pairing or which kpop artist they should feature in their story (which is most of the time). Guys, just go ahead and write. I have yet to vote for an ending of a fic. Lololololololol. Has someone made such poll? 

I checked my friends' list and saw that most of you have deactivated already or just left without a word. I no longer have 294 but around 30, I guess. I am not a good friend for I don't know or care to know such details. So don't add me. LOL.

There are others who left me a message, including contact details.

But you see, Keeper is merely a persona that exists in AFF. Here is where you'll find me. Here is where I'll talk to you. Unless I vanish of course. I have tumblr and livejournal but only God knows the password. Oh twitter. Remind me about that.

If you leave, don't expect me to keep in touch even if I promise otherwise. We exchange contact details but it is all out of courtesy. We both know that I won't be able to continue our communication, it takes too much work. Sorry. I am so difficult lol.

But there are two unnies who never gave up on me. My cell leader in Hawaii and my cell mate who chats with me every single day on Google Talk. Lol. Honestly, I wouldn't talk to them either if they never pestered me. 

Today, I just saw how selfish I am. It takes both parties to keep the relationship. If I really wanted it to last, I should never depend on the other person to make the first move. I should never make excuses for them, telling myself that they are busy and they can't be interrupted. 

For all I know, they were waiting for me too.

Still, it doesn't mean I'll come looking for you. Lolololol xD

-Keeper