Well, the reason why I am really sad right now it's because my unnie and me fight a while ago.

You see, my unnie's birthday passed few days ago. (January 24). And I didn't buy her a gift because of practices for the camp-out and I always go home late. I felt really guilty for that because when she always buys me gifs when it is my birthday and I didn't buy her gift for her birthday so that's why. 

So, the reason why we fought is because I said to her that I will give her 1,500 pesos as her birthday gift. Because she said to me earlier in her birthday that she really wants to buy glasses but it costs 6,000 - 7,000+. And she doesn't have that money. And I'm the only one who has a high amount of money. The reason why she wanted to buy that kind of glasses is because it's unbreakable. When you accidentally let go of that glasses, it will not easily break. So that's why.

Now back to the reason why we fought. Today, she asked me where's the money. I said that mom has it. And then she grew mad because of that. Because she doesn't want mom know that she will be getting money from me because mom will scold at her for borrowing money from me. And also, few days ago she asked me if I have the money. I said yes because I didn't heard her clearly that time. And now, since I didn't gave her the money. She bashed me like, "You're always like that, saying things but not doing it." "I'm sick of your face" and ect. It hurts me when she bashes me like that. I mean I'll give her the money it's just that my mom has it. And when I went to my mom's bedroom because my mom is in there, I asked my mom. "Mama (mom), Where's my money?" "Why?" She asked me. Then I replied, "Nothing, just asking. So where is it?" "I put it on my bank account" She replied. "Oh" I weakly replied and went out of her bedroom. Then my unnie bash me again she said "Then you're complaining to mom?" She scoffed after that.

I answered her because my blood is really boiling at that time. I said to her, "I just asked mom where's the mo--" She cut me off by saying, "Stop your lies! I don't want liers like you!" Then my little brother interrupted, "Why are you two fighting?" Then my unnie said, "Don't believe her okay? She always tells lies" Then my brother just nodded. I tried my best to prevent my tears from falling. Because you know, I'm a sensitive and a softy person. I always cries easily. Also, I don't want to see that I'm a weak person (but really, I'm a weak person). And I thought to myself. *Be strong, Renzell. I'm a big girl! Tears are useless* I kept on telling my mind that. I'm really trying hard not to let my tears fall but being the softy person I am, tears started to fall from my eyes. Good thing I covered my eyes with my t-shirt because I know my unnie will be bashing me again. And when she left the house because she lives in the dorm, I started to cry because of what she told me. I will give her money it's just that my mom has it right? And I will NEVER broke my promise. If I said I will give it, I'll give it. Then she is telling me I'm a lier?! 

I'm really sick of my unnie's attitude to me. I mean I'm being a good dongsaeng for her like doing the household chores that she's assigned to it, etc. and she will return my kindness into this? She always makes me upset! There's this one time, she embarassed me infront of my old classmate. I'm really upset at her that time. Because I'm telling my friend the truth and she embarassed me like that? 

I don't know why I always forgive her when she apologized to me. Even though it really hurts inside! But she is my unnie, right? I have to forgive her even though she hurts me so much. I always hides my feelings and sometimes, my heart aches so much! And also I can't breath properly. /sigh/. I think the reason why my heart aches and also I can't breath properly is because I always kept my feelings inside. I don't let it out. Sorry for telling you this guys! It's just that I don't have a friend to comfort me right now. I hope I'm not bothering you.