-Title -5/7- (Does it catch my eyes and making me having the urge to click on it?)

Oh Vienna, my first impression is, it felt kind of the 80’s vintage, and an Oh Susanna feeling came up to me. It’s not bad yet not the best, it does give me a little push to click on the story, most importantly, it relate well to the story.

 

-Appearance -5/5- (Does it picture the story?)

In the foreword, you put a picture of a vintage building in Vienna (I suppose) as the poster of the story, it let my mind picture Yongguk walking past there to his father’s with a heavy feeling while the place gave off an entirely different aura -which rarely a simple picture like that does this kind of effect to me and I think its really great- In the chapter, you put a picture quoting: Any man can be a father, it takes someone special to be a dad. It makes total sense and fits so much with the story. The background is good too, vintage, it gave me the feels. The song must’ve been your inspiration, I love it! Full marks for choosing good pictures and song!

 

-Description and Foreword -10/10- (Does it relate to the story? Did you divulge to much or little? Did you misplace?)

I absolutely loved your description and foreword! You did not reveal too much and did not misplace. Full marks!

 

 

-Plot -10/10- (Is it good? Is it original?)

Honestly, I’ve never seen story with such great morale like this float around aff, all I saw were love love, sci-fi, horror and other other but never one like this. A heart to heart talk between father and son, totally original and out of the box. You must’ve got inspiration from the song, it was supposed to be a man-woman love song but you changed it to father and son love story yet its not messed up and relate totally. Love it

 

-Flow -10/10- (Is it too fast or to slow?)

Just nice.

 

-Character portraying -15/15- (How do you portray the idols and oc? Does it makes sense or ruined?)

Since it’s a onsehot, the portraying are of course not that in depth but I get the feel, and its up to the standard of a oneshot.

 

-The English -33/35- (Spelling error? Grammar error?)

Overall, the English is good, there are some spelling, superlative forms and punctuation marks which are wrong though. And I think the lyrics are not accurate too, like the Why you have to be so far away I heard the song and its Why you gotta be so far away, I don’t know if you meant to change it to be formally written, I am okay with that but just wanting to tell you.

 

Here are some mistakes I’ve caught (bolded are the wrong ones, inside parentheses are the corrected ones):

She was expecting any day now, and he wouldn't be able to see "it"  (they didn't know what the baby was) birth because he had business (business) in Austria to finish... with his father. Yongguk was never fond of his father - ever. He was the most cheapiest (cheapest) man alive and wouldn't spend a dime on his own life, (life;) he would rather die for the sake of materialistic things.

 

Cha Sun Bang, - the familie's(family’s) richest man, but the coldest and disagreeable man in the world- had just made amends(amends) with his son : Yongguk - the kind hearted, sweet, independent(independent), prince charming husband, soon to be father that he is.

 

-Enjoyment -10/10- (How much do I enjoy the story?)

I really enjoyed the story, the heart to heart talk between father and son, it made me realize that however bad parents are, its just a mask, a pride, deep down inside, they love us, so much, they just doesn’t know how to say and going back, its pride. A story worth reading and of self-improvement too.

 

Total: 98/102

 

Author’s note: You’ve got a really high score and its worth it. For all people out there, stop saying your parents don’t love you, they did and prove that you’re worth their love, show them you love them too, have a good talk when you have a problem, don’t rebel, don’t run away from home, that’s stupid, cherish your parents, your family and reflect on yourself before you blame them. Please make more stories like this! Great morale.