What had I been about to say? 

It escapes me rather easily, the unspoken words that tickled my tongue in its attempt at escape. They never seem to be able to, and I'm stuck swallowing them, trying to forget the bitter taste they left in my mouth. That bitter taste, unwelcome yet incessent in its arrival. It is inevitable as it is unpleasant, but it is only the aftertaste of the attack of sensations it wages on my heart. Frustration, sorrow, anger, despair. I attempt to coax the words out, imagining the impact of their existence outside of my mind. My imagination tips the scale in its favor, and I lose. I lose my courage and my resolve, what little of it there was to begin with. How little of it I am trying to protect in my weak small hands. It is this scene that continuously repeats itself everyday, although I am the only one watching. 

When their unsuspecting eyes turn toward me, curious, expecting, and almost demanding, my eyes catch the reflection of me in their eyes. I see my face, weak and ordinary, showing little hint at the weight of my next words. If never spoken, they would never know.

"What is it you want to say?"

What is it I want to say?

I guess you'll never find out.

─Aslin Luna J.