'as a writer

I was just browsing around AFF, looking at who are the most popular authors around here and checking some stories just for the sake of doing it. And I've got to tell you, most of my friends are one the first three pages as the most popular writer from AFF, which left me a little... well, I don't know how to say this -- jealous? *awkward laugh* Yeah, I guess that's right... And it sure made me wonder 'Hey, do I really have the needed talent to put down the words? Or I'm just playing around? Is this going somewhere or is done just for the sake of doing it?' But I do care about my readers, about their feedback, but at the same time, in every single word I lay down on paper (in a Word doc) I drip a little bit of my soul...

So yeah, why can't I have  thousands of subscribers? Because I have just one on-going story? (Alright, right now I have three with one that I'm writing without putting it here for now, four, but it doesn't count!) Because I don't write about kingkas and fan girls turning beauties over night? Because I don't have a humor sense? (Please send in your complains to Godmother Fairy for that!) Because I don't write about popular groups? (Well, excuse me for loving MBLAQ a little too much... but even when I wrote about Beast there weren't that many to read and comment on my story...) Why, what's the reason that keeps me back? Grammar? That I can learn. Vocabulary? I promise to study both of my English dictionaries! Lack of feelings? Well... that's... a little too much... Tell me so that I can improve!

*sigh* And then there were all those stories I found with hundreds of subscribers and above 50 upvotes and with just one or two chapters... oh well, life's good one some.

What can I tell you more? I'm disappointed in myself right now. I could do better, but I want to keep my originality on. But I'm still disappointed. I'm nowhere being a good writer... it's still a mere hobby that I try to live with since there's nothing else that I can do better. I'm a failure. Yeah, that's exactly what I feel right now...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to meet my other half and get a good smack for this mini rant^^'...

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daydreamergirl11 #1
Alright missy!! Don't put yourself down!! You are a talented writer!! Maybe you don't have the following that some other writers do but that is because you are a unique writer! You don't write what everyone expects. You keep us on our toes and make us think!!
B_ann1 #2
At one point I was obsessed with my ranking on the popular authors list and I checked it almost every day to see if I had moved up at least one spot and I was so desperate to get myself a ton of subscribers that I actually advertised my fic on people's walls...
It's been about half a year since it hit hit me. What your ranking is, tells absolutely nothing about your writing skills. My story Art of Seduction has over 200 subscribers (and you're one of them, thank you for that ^^) but it is nowhere close to being as creative and well written as your stories. In the top 100 authors in this site I'd say there is maybe (excuse me for being harsh) one or two who can actually write. Others have gotten there cause they write cliché plots and hardcore about the most popular bands. You've got your own style which is unique and powerful and it's awesome that there is some Mblaq lovers here cause they are awesome as well :) You should not feel disappointed because trust me, you're more of a writer than those 100 put together.

(Disclaimer: This is not a personal attack on anyone, even if you belong to the top 100 authors. I'm just stating an opinion that has grown on me after six months of careful observation.) haha :D
kiky00joker #3
I can understand your feelings as well but let me tell you the things I found out from my numerous unfinished fanfics XD People are attracted by titles and plots that are...hmm how should I say? Crazy? They usually don't like stuff that they think it's plain(even thought it isn't but oh well...what can we do?) or things they can't understand(like my Fragile ff XD). Also it's not necesasrly to write about popular groups XD I am really frustrated when I don't have subs for my ffs with BAP and EXO...

In short, every author has this problem. We'll just have to work harder :(
drYang #4
aaaaaaaaaw, :(

ms.kat, there may be just a handful of readers who appreciate your writing style...but that doesn't make you a bad writer...
As you said, It is possible that most AFF readers belong to the younger age groups and who likes reading fluff (or probably, idk...), that's why there are lots who do not appreciate your style...
PLease don't feel too bad about yourself...
painful--doubleyou #5
I understand you, Kat. It takes time for people to get popular. Your English is very good though! But please don't write cliches, that's not your style babe. The way you write now is perfect and interesting and I love you <333
Sammery #6
I can understand where you are coming from. I feel like I lucked out with The Showdown become some of the few tae/key readers spread it out to their friends, but otherwise my counts tend to be lower and I find that I don't particularly care. I write what is fun and challenging and try to entertain other people and grow as a writer myself. I can honestly say that I have grown while writing here and those few amazing comments make up for the utter lack of any from others.

Don't get down. It's always worth it to keep going and keep posting because you'll reach a few people and practice will help you to keep improving. Don't judge youself based on how others are doing either. You know that feeling when you write a particularly good plot twist or know you just nailed a description - that's the reason you keep writing, that's the reason that you keep trying.
MBLEASTBANG #7
Awww sweety you're not alone. I sometimes feel like this too.
All my friends seem to have heaps of subscribers, then there's me D: Then there are those people who just gain mass amount of subscibers with what seems to be no effort at all :'(

Don't worry, just take your time to write the fanfics YOU enjoy writing about. Since you love MBLAQ, keep writing about them. Don't feel as if you have to write about popular groups to please others. Write fanfics which make you happy and what you are passionate about. If they're about less popular groups then what does it matter? There are always other fans out there who like the same thing and are bound to come across your fanfiction. Keep writing about MBLAQ and the other groups you like, they'll give you strength :D

Btw your english is FANTASTIC BABY! ;) I'm sure that's not what's stopping people from subscribing and commenting. I just think people haven't really discovered your stories yet :)

Subscribers, votes and comments aren't what makes a good fanfic, it's whether YOU'RE happy with it. If you're satisfied with your writings, I'm sure a lot of other people will be too :D

Keep your head up and do your best!
We're all here to support you, good luck in the future! <3
E_magine #8
It doesn't matter about those fanfics. A lot of the stories on here are written to appease the appetites of young _____ girls (I wonder if that word will get censored) but I've learned that if you don't write to please yourself then you're letting yourself down.

Who cares about popularity? In the end the page will be refreshed and a good amount of those stories will be replaced with similar ones. Being featured like a friend said (can't remember who) won't look good on a resume or really matter to anything important.

Kat if you change ur writing to please the majority then I will be sad. Only because it was you who created such an imaginative story such as 'Cure for Summertimes blues' which talks about themes that are usually under looked in a lot of today's stories. Don't write to be famous. Write because you can and are good at it.
YuxieWuxie #9
Hehe, i used to be depressed and discouraged by that too, but hey, I just realized recently that stories here don't have to be good to have hundred of subscribers... Most have a clichee plot and are about the same groups... Mostly . I think you just have to stand your ground and stick to what you love writing. So what if you won't have millions of subscribers? There will be a few who'll love your stories. This is what matters. :D

I'm not one of the popular here *hehe -.-'''* but I could tell you what me and my subscribers like... if you want. :) If no, then stop reading here XD if yes, keep going:

They like stories with situations that they can relate to. That have a realistic beginning and plot. I mean, something that is(even if very little) likely to happen. :D So they can keep their hope. They like characters to which they can relate, that lead a normal life. I write YOU stories(doesn't mean you have to) because I like them, it's easy for people to relate to them and so, to the story, because I don't give out an ulzzang who is supposedly them(like most authors do here when writing "you" stories -.-'''). They like happy endings because, let's be honest, life is miserable enough without me pointing it out, so they like to find hope into my stories, a push forward by a strong message that provides their will to carry on. They also like in the characters to be strong, yet somehow normal, someone they would like to be. :D IDK if this was helpful in any way(since I'm not popular either -.-''', but my subscribers love me, so XD).
BennieDerHamster #10
Sorry now kat, but I totally disagree with your words
You wrote such a nonsense... you saw the first page, and you find out how plain are those stories... so you complain because you don't recieve upvotes? You are great and you have your fans...
You have talent and you put passion in everything you write, I don't think you write just for being popular... it is sooooo unproductive! Just have fun with your passion and don't care about those things...
ke_xin #11
Aw, Kitten. *hugs you* You're a great writer, truly. It's not you, it's the whims of the readers. Usually it has to do with some groups becoming more popular on the music scene, like when DBSK was still altogether I bet you their fanfics ruled AFF too. For others, yes, it's the cliche, yet fairy-tale plot line to have their own fantasies. The public's finicky like that. I mean, look at Van Gogh. His paintings were the same when he first painted them as they are now, but he barely sold any while he was alive and now he's considered one of the greatest painters ever.

So don't you be disappointed in yourself, missy, arasso? *shakes unnie finger at you* Like I said, you're a fantastic writer and you should judge this based off your readers' comments, not their number. Quality, not quantity, honey. You stick to your originality and the group(s) you love because that's what makes you you. You said you pour your soul into these stories, you said, and as long as you are content with how they are, that's what counts. *huggles*
KimmyNurry #12
Aww eonni~ Don't be sad.
Try to promote your story under the characters you have. Like if your main guy is Junhyung from B2ST then find people who writes about him as well and promotes your stories on his or her wall. ^^
It works.

Keep your heads up, you don't need to have amazing style of grammar or vocab. All you need is that heart where you pour all that story out. ^^

I hope that makes sense! ^_^v
amalia91 #13
AFF doesn't make you a good writer.
It'a all about popularity - you take it either from the group you write about [ popular ones: shinee & exo & - since people prefer seeing their oppas in that kind of relationship] OR you are a popular author, gaining your supporters through different things, like million of stories [that's just an example]. Update a lot ... write short yet catching phrases and that's all.
Ahhh, a must is to have a different idea - unique idea - that will grab their attention - from your title if that's possible.
Just because you don't have tons of subscribers doesn't mean people aren't reading your stories.
Sometimes, a sincere comment makes you feel better than 10 comments that only ask you to update.
If you want to become a real writer, try to get away from the road that AFF tends to push us... sorry to young readers, but AFF is becoming less and less mature in the last time.
cheer up~ you have loyal readers~ don't lose them ^^
ErisChaotica #14
Sometimes it's the author's own shortcomings, but with AFF, a lot of times it's the readers. They have their own tastes, and if you don't conform to those tastes, you automatically get written off.

Don't worry about popularity. It's not as glorious as people make it out to be, and it often turns out to be more stressful than anything else. I prefer having meaningful interactions with my readers, and as the number of readers you have increases, that becomes more difficult. Treasure the readers you do have, enjoy the act writing for itself, and don't give up just yet. :)
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