Songs listened to while writing this:

B1A4 - If (너만 있으면)

SS501 - Snow Prince [Live at Youngstreet]

Super Junior - 아주 먼 엣날 (Song For You)

Super Junior - Happy Together

B1A4 - 못된 것만 배워서 (Only Learnt The Bad Things)

Tegomass - Boku Rashiku

五月天 (Mayday) - 温柔 (Gentle)

Super Junior - You Are The One

Super Junior M - Me

Arashi - Sakura Sake

F.T. Island - I Knew From First Sight

Infinite - Before the Dawn [Japanese]

So, it feels like forever since the last time I've written. Maybe it's because it actually has been a really long time. When was the last time I wrote? Like the last time that I wrote an actual blog post instead of posting about something that I discovered or something among those lines. Looking back, it seems as though the last time I wrote was when I was describing my ever changing feelings. Hmmm....maybe for the new year I should attempt to update this more like a diary without saying people's names. I should just make them all nicknames.

But speaking of, Happy Belated Holidays and Happy Belated New Year. I know that it's quite a while late, but hey, at least being late is better than not saying any of it at all, so there ya go! But moving on from that slight awkwardness...

I don't know the exact purpose of this blog post, so you don't have to keep reading all of it. Frankly, I wouldn't care if you stopped reading right now. Go ahead, how would I ever know? Somehow I just feel the need to write something and say something... frankly, my mind has been in quite the jumble recently and I don't know why. I just...feel the need to write something, that's all. That's the only thing that I can think of right now, writing something.

So...sorry of this isn't what you like reading, like I said before, you can stop reading at any time and maybe I'll make a more fun blog post in the future, any suggestions? Should I open the floor again to any type of question possible about anything? Then again, the floor is always open to questions...but still... Once again, moving on...

I guess the real reason for writing this blog post is an attempt to sort out my feelings for this one kid, who is kicknamed Puppy and will remain nicknamed Puppy throughout the entire time I write about him. If you've read my other blog posts, then you know all about Puppy, well a little introduction to Puppy and the kind of relationship that we have together.

Honestly, I don't even fully know the relationship that Puppy and I have together. And for those of you that don't know who Puppy is, let me give you a brief introduction.

As most of you know, I'm in college. I'm a freshman mechanical engineering major at a university on the east coast of the United States. I haven't given out where I go to college and I probably never will, the information that I have already given is probably enough for you to perhaps give a reasonable guess as to where I go... I am also Asian and I am also adopted. The adoption part is kind of what connected me and Puppy in the first place...

But Puppy and I are in the same sort of "learning community" consisting of everyone of the same major. It just so happens that we're the same disciplinary of engineering, too. For those of you that don't know what that means, that means that we're concentrating in the same thing, mechanical engineering. Anyway, I don't remember how I first met Puppy, it just seems like a blur.

Actually, now that I think about it, I remember how I first met him...

It was one of the very first weekends that we all moved into college. The whole learning community takes up half of a floor of the building, the floors are fairly large. Puppy just so happens to live in the other hallway. And, like I've also explained before, I live in a hallway full of guys, but Puppy is not one of them.

Anyway, it was one of the very first nights we moved in and there was this big poker night. That's the night that I met Red, another friend of mine, well... I don't know if we're considered friends, more like we just say hi to each other in passing. And yes, Red is his actual nickname in real life, that's what I call him. Just like how I actually call Puppy well... Puppy sometimes.

But there was a big poker night and Red and I were sitting next to each other. It was the first time we met each other, it was the first time anyone was really meeting anyone, but that's the way that college life works. Then I guess Puppy was across from me, but I didn't know him that well. I just knew him from the poker night, I barely even knew his name. From then on, I kept running into him sometimes in the hallway and one of my other friends from across the hall, who I don't actually have a nickname for, became friends with him, so I guess through her I became friends with him.

And back to describing him a little more... he's about a year and a half older than I am, but he's a freshman too since he took a gap year and he's very immature, well...not really immature, but he's very hyperactive and outgoing and sometimes...it seems like he's trying to hide something... but I'll mention that later.

However, now, I think things have ventured out of the friend zone... at least for me. I think I'm falling for this guy, like I stated in one of my blog posts before. But... I don't know if he likes me. Then again, I don't even know if he likes girls. Not that it's a bad thing, it's just...confusing, if that makes any sense. Puppy is very outgoing and he's very hyperactive and has all of the traits just like a Puppy, why do you think I nicknamed him that? But sometimes it's questionable and sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes it does seem like he likes me. Sometimes he rests his head on my shoulder and pokes fun at me a little bit. We have math together this term, and even though the term just started this week, I sit next to him every day, four days out of the week, without fail. We joke around in that class and he pokes me sometimes and he will give me strange stares if he doesn't get something that I'll get, just because I'm used to the type of teaching style and he's not. And then how whenever he turns to look at the board, since I sit on his right, how he sometimes has our faces close together...I think I'm falling for him.

I don't know the strength of how I'm falling for him or anything. The only thing I know is that I think I am and it's nothing like what I went through before. Before I would experience the heartthrobbing and the pounding in my ears and not being able to breathe or talk whenever I saw the person that I liked pass me. I would feel the awkwardness when I was stuck with them alone and I would try to find every possible way to be with them, but with Puppy, everything is different.

I don't feel like my heart is pounding through my chest, I don't feel like I'm going to lose my breath or train of thought. Heck, we can talk about practically anything and I don't feel nervous at all. We can be left alone and things are alright between us. No nervousness or anything. So...how am I even sure that I like him? The only thing that I'm certain of is the fact that he makes me smile all of the time. He's one of those guys that if he's not happy, then no one around him is happy. Whenever he's around, I just find myself smiling and wanting to protect him... I guess that's the reason that I know how I'm slowly falling for him.

But anyway, what I mentioned before, about him possibly hiding something... Like I mentioned in a previous blog post, not everyone knows that he's adopted. I am adopted and practically everyone in the dorm and associated with me knows that. The same doesn't go for him. Also like I mentioned before, I think I'm the onliy one who knows about it, besides one of my other friends since I accidentally let it slip, but she won't say anything to him about it.

Maybe that's what drew me to him in the first place and maybe that's why we're so comfortable around each other. I talked about it with my friend across the hall, the one that doesn't have a nickname and the onliy other one that knows about Puppy being adopted. She said that maybe he feels comfortable around me and saying that because I am adopted too and maybe because we both have some sort of connection and feelings that no one else knows. Maybe he trusts me since he knows that I'm practically the same as he is...

And maybe that's why he looks like he's always hiding something. Maybe that's why he always smiles and talks when he's around other people but mostly likes spending his time alone playing video games and other things of the sort. His smile...maybe it's only something I have the ability to detect, but it seems like he's hiding something. I've never asked him why he never told anyone else about him being adopted, but maybe it has something to do with a past experience, another thing that my friend from across the hall brought up.

She said that maybe he had a bad experience with telling someone or maybe kids made fun of him or something. Honestly, if he would have never said something about being adopted, I wouldn't have thought that he was for a second. It's not like adopted kids have a radar to find other adopted kids. I think he's my only friend that I've made here that is another adopted kid. Most of the other ones know who their parents are...

But I don't know what's hiding behind his smile. I don't know what he's gone through, even though I want to ask him... I want to ask him because it looks like he wants to talk about it to someone. It seems like he just has a lot to hide behind his slight immaturity and hyperactiveness. 

I've never talked to him about being adopted before. I've never mentioned it. Today, or rather, yesterday since it's already a little past midnight here for me, was only the second time that we've talked about it and then again, it wasn't that in depth. We talked about the little joke that I mentioned last time. I don't even know if it could be considered as a joke... but it goes like follows.

"Hey, you're weird."

"Your mom is weird."

"So is your mom."

"You know, if we thought about it, neither of us really know our parents."

"That's true."

It's things like that that we can do without feeling like we're making fun of the other person. Today our conversation was about that. Today, I asked him if he ever said that to someone who ever told him something like that. Personally, I say it quite frequently because... I don't even know why, I just do. Then I get a lot of stares from the people that I say it to since they don't understand why I would say something like that.

Puppy told me that he only ever told someone that he didn't know his mother once and that they stared at him for at least five minutes.

Is that why he doesn't like telling people he's adopted? Is that why it seems like he's hiding hurt behind his eyes? Maybe...but I guess only time will tell...

So, thanks for reading my drabble, if you managed to make it down this far. If not...then you're not reading this sentence so I shouldn't right anything, haha. But still, if you made it this far, I applaud you for being able to read through most of that boring crap. Most of it was just me having the need to write something...I don't even know why I needed to write anything, I just felt like I should.

And if you have any questions that you'd like to ask me, feel free to ask. Or if you have any comments that you want to give about my life, go ahead and do that, too, like if you have any advice or anything, feel free to do as your heart desires.

And so, time to write another chapter of one of my fanfics, since my Ethernet does work now, if no one's noticed that by now... but I don't blame you if you didn't notice it before. It would've taken a lot of work to write all of this out on my iPad. A lot more work than I would've ever cared to do.

But I'm going to write another chapter of one of my fanfics before I head to bed. I have an 8:00 class in the morning and it's 12:08 right now... so hopefully I finish the chapter and post it soon enough so I can head to bed.

So, goodnight, good morning, or good afternoon and I hope you all have a good one!