hye everyone....i don't expect you to read this anyway....i just need a place to lash out what i feel....thats all....

 i just lose my faith towards everything....almost everything.....i dont trust myself anymore....im just a useless and pathetic human, so im sorry for that....i tried my best to cheer everybody, to make them smile, to make them forget their own sadness....but somehow, in the end, both that person and me got hurt....i didnt know what to do...i always tell you guys to be strong....to have faith and trust.......to hope....i thought that it will help me pass my difficulties in life....but no....it hurts....everytime....it hurts....and when it happen, i am always enduring it by myself....the reason why i hope to be by everybody's side when they are unhappy....because i dont want thm to feel alone....i want to support them...but somehow i have too endure my pain alone....people are leaving and dumping me away like a am a rubbish; while i am clinging both of my hand to the persons feet.....i stay smiling, because i wont let it take away my happiness....but right now im thinking.....until how long i have to keep pretending that i am happy, but deep inside i am sad? for how long i have to hold on a useless hope? a hope that you will reply my text, reply my messages....to reply me when i call your name? i am falling, and i almost forget how to stand anymore....im hurt, much more than you think i hurt you.... me for being so silly..... me for being stupid..... me for being useless.....im just too weak now to catch you anymore....as im struggling to get one my feet, im crawling to get near you, you running so far away from me.....how can i chase you after that? you disappear from mylife, leaving me stranded in a land of sadness.....its weird how happiness can be a poison to yourself....so then? i guess i should really kill myself and ended up getting damned in hell.....for i have been so naive to "trust" and to "hope" in the first place.... me...and life!!!!!