This Is My Story~
A friend of mine here on AFF Marianations, posted a blog, a quite inspiring blog about her life and how TOP changed it.
Her story inspired me to share my story with all of you....
Let's begin, the first of July 1999 a girl was born into the world. Teeana Chaylee Stark, the daughter of Adam & Tracey Stark. The sibling of 3 at the time.
She was born into the world completely oblivious of the way home life was. Her father a drug addict and an alcoholic, her mother perfectly normal.
Her father used to beat her mother. Break chairs over her back, slap her, punch her, kick her any form of abuse you can imagine was inflicted on this poor woman. Teeana not understanding of course and was still daddy's little girl.
Her Father yelled at her mother a lot as well begging her not to leave, telling her that no other man would love a woman who had four children.
The little girl had two brothers and a sister. The oldest of the bunch, Aaron. At nine years old had began to learn guitar and was great at it. His Dad of course jealous would beat the boy up every time he heard a string being touched on the boys precious instrument.
The girl remembers of when her older siblings told of a time when they were passing the ball in the house and it bounced off some furniture and went through the window earning them all a beating from their beloved father. The youngest still oblivious.
The oldest Daughter Romany, suffered damage to her memory because of the things she saw and how badly she was hurt. The youngest still seeing her Father as her loving Daddy.
By the time the young girl turned a year old she watched her daddy being dragged out of the house by men with guns. That was the first time and last that the youngest spoke.
Her mother now single and poor she had not much to give and was struggling with money and other sorts of things.
By the time the young child was 3 her mother had a new man in her life. One much younger than her.
As the girl grew she entered primary school and things got better, her mommy had enough money to buy a nice car. Then the girl hit grade two.
The other children didn't like her, neither did the teachers. The girl spent most of her time in detention and only had one friend. By the time she got to year 3 she was crying everyday when she got home. The only way she could forget was by dancing and singing her heart out. Her life's only joy.
When the girl hit year five her mother moved her to a new school and everything was peachy again. She didn't have too many friends but she had a good few.
Year six came along and so did the bullying. She was teased and talked about by the older girls and a lot of the girls her age didn't like her although she managed to keep her small group of friends. But slowly she began to feel distant from them. She began feeling alone. She had stopped singing and dancing because of the way others teased. She had no self-confidence.
The last resort? Slitting her wrists. She cut her wrists. She didn't feel human anymore. She could no longer cry. She didnt want to be weak. she wanted to be numb.
Wearing jackets all the time she was no longer herself. She had a new sibling in her family. Yeah that guy got her mom pregnant and now she has a little sister.
Things started to get better again as her mom found out about the wrists and tried to help her daughter. She began listening to kpop, falling more in love with GD by the second.
He was her strength. Knowing how he got through all his troubles and hardships with the media, having to handle insomnia but yet he kept on fighting all for his fans. He was her new inspiration.
That brings us to 2012. The year hell rose to the surface of the earth for me.
Things got worse. Kids at school new about the cuts and teased me. My friends couldn't deal with my depression and fled. I discovered how much of a monster my step dad is, trying to touch me in inapropiate ways, mom not believing me of course. I went back to nothing, I was alone what did it resort to?
Self inflicted scars on my hips, stomach, thighs, arms, shoulders, wrists and chest.
5 suicide attempts:
OD attempts
Hanging attempts
Drowning attempts
Some tried more than once.
Crying myself to sleep every night.
My mom? Gone completely A-Wall and hates me now.
Why am I still alive? You wanna know why? Because I have a Guardian Angel. He's not a real angel, he's not dead but he is keeping me strong and alive
Kwon Jiyong. He's my strength hes gonna get me through the tough years to come. You know why? Because if he did it, so can I! If I didn't know he existed I'd be dead by now, long gone. I may never meet him but that's okay. As long as he's on this earth he's protecting me.
New Years Eve 2012:
My older siblings found about my depressing and we've never been closer. My brother threw away my razor blades and hugged me for the first time he actually hugged me.
My new years resolution is;
what the haters think. My Guardian angel and my siblings are gonna help me through this and I'm gonna come out on top.
The best part of this experience is that I can sing and dance like never before.
YOU DEPRESSION I JUST KICKED YOUR !!
My story isnt extreme or as bad as most people's but I need to get it out. I need to prove to myself that I can do this, for me.
Thank you.
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