A short painful love story...
Well, I took the risk of posting this up here without thinking if someone would bother reading this one. It's a not-so-short painful love story and I just wanted to take this hurt inside me out. AFF was one my last resorts... And so, here I am... And I decided to change the name to add a little story-like factor. LOL. I don't understand myself anymore. Is this how being in love really is?
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Hey there, I'm Maki! Does anybody of you know how it really feels like to be in love? Because I don't. Though I know I have sometimes fell in love, the true meaning of it has stayed unknown for me.
I never though we could be this close. When I first looked at you, you were just someone I know would be a co-member in this group. We didn't talk that much, but I know we smiled a lot to each other. I was too shy to answer you when you were talking to me; showing me the way back to my friends in that area. I thanked you and walked away. I was afraid to look back to you, so I didn't.
A few nights later, you tagged me a few pictures and in order to thank you, it took me a lot of courage to do so. I was so shy, especially because I haven't talked to you in person. I sent you a PM through facebook chat and everything started from there. Se how funny a simple line of saying thank you started everything out? Our conversation went longer and longer until I have realized we have became closer in a short period of time, in a matter of few minutes.
Days and nights would not pass without you and I having chat conversions. Believe me, you were one of the best chatmates I have ever had. You always make me smile, you never fail to make me smile. You were such a sweet guy and obviously, you're not that hard to like or love. I felt comfortable around you. I don't know how I should call these stuffs, but maybe, the next few words would fit; we tease each other and... you're such a big flirt! Hahaha! But hey, a flirt to the point that you're funny and not annoying. One thing I would never forget was when you said you'd be my favorite idol (I wouldn't say who though) and that you will always make me smile no matter what. That touched me; it really did. And so, I fell for it... I fell for you. But then, what happened? Were they really promises from a guy? I hoped so... But they weren't. Since they became a few old texts displayed in a white box called facebook chat. I know I shouldn't have believed you, I know I shouldn't have fallen for it. I told myself I should not, but it was already too late. And so, I let myself fall.
You weren't one of the most handsome guys I have ever met. But I don't care, because as they say, When you fall in love, you don't use your eyes, you use your heart. You may not be handsome or cute, but you sure are damn sweet, caring and you definitely make me smile in many small and big ways.
One day, I decided to stop myself, halfway, though it's obviously a little too late and since I know you really like somebody else. I know, because you have told me about her sometimes. I told you about someone I liked in my past too, and actually, I didn't know the exact meaning when you said you were jealous of him (since I said I miss him a lot). I ignored that one, because as I have said earlier, I should stop. I told myself to stop. But hey, no one can stop his or her heart from falling when obviously, he or she had already fallen. I don't understand myself.
One night, you brought another sweet topic. So I said, "No, not now. I'm not in the mood to have these kinds of conversation with you." I have had enough. And what did you say? "ILU, now can I?"
That short line triggered my feelings. I have had enough. Enough of your flowery words.
"Stop, don't make me fall for nothing." I tried my best to make it a little funny... not so serious. But I guess I failed.
And then you said you're gonna do something for a while. But you didn't return anymore.
Starting from there on, everything changed. It was like our huge closeness suddenly vanished into the thin air. I told myself, maybe they are right. Sometimes, you have to remove a certain person from your life. And in my case, that certain person is you.
I miss you. So badly. But I guess we both do good without each other. I have cried a few times because of you, maybe because you don't derserve me, that's why. Because as people say, Those who doesn't deserve you make you cry, while those who really deserve you would do anything just so you woudn't cry. Since you made me cry, (or is it just me being a weak person) I think you don't derserve me.
I never though we could be this close. When I first looked at you, you were just someone I know would be a co-member in this group. We didn't talk that much, but I know we smiled a lot to each other. I was too shy to answer you when you were talking to me; showing me the way back to my friends in that area. I thanked you and walked away. I was afraid to look back to you, so I didn't.
A few nights later, you tagged me a few pictures and in order to thank you, it took me a lot of courage to do so. I was so shy, especially because I haven't talked to you in person. I sent you a PM through facebook chat and everything started from there. Se how funny a simple line of saying thank you started everything out? Our conversation went longer and longer until I have realized we have became closer in a short period of time, in a matter of few minutes.
Days and nights would not pass without you and I having chat conversions. Believe me, you were one of the best chatmates I have ever had. You always make me smile, you never fail to make me smile. You were such a sweet guy and obviously, you're not that hard to like or love. I felt comfortable around you. I don't know how I should call these stuffs, but maybe, the next few words would fit; we tease each other and... you're such a big flirt! Hahaha! But hey, a flirt to the point that you're funny and not annoying. One thing I would never forget was when you said you'd be my favorite idol (I wouldn't say who though) and that you will always make me smile no matter what. That touched me; it really did. And so, I fell for it... I fell for you. But then, what happened? Were they really promises from a guy? I hoped so... But they weren't. Since they became a few old texts displayed in a white box called facebook chat. I know I shouldn't have believed you, I know I shouldn't have fallen for it. I told myself I should not, but it was already too late. And so, I let myself fall.
You weren't one of the most handsome guys I have ever met. But I don't care, because as they say, When you fall in love, you don't use your eyes, you use your heart. You may not be handsome or cute, but you sure are damn sweet, caring and you definitely make me smile in many small and big ways.
One day, I decided to stop myself, halfway, though it's obviously a little too late and since I know you really like somebody else. I know, because you have told me about her sometimes. I told you about someone I liked in my past too, and actually, I didn't know the exact meaning when you said you were jealous of him (since I said I miss him a lot). I ignored that one, because as I have said earlier, I should stop. I told myself to stop. But hey, no one can stop his or her heart from falling when obviously, he or she had already fallen. I don't understand myself.
One night, you brought another sweet topic. So I said, "No, not now. I'm not in the mood to have these kinds of conversation with you." I have had enough. And what did you say? "ILU, now can I?"
That short line triggered my feelings. I have had enough. Enough of your flowery words.
"Stop, don't make me fall for nothing." I tried my best to make it a little funny... not so serious. But I guess I failed.
And then you said you're gonna do something for a while. But you didn't return anymore.
Starting from there on, everything changed. It was like our huge closeness suddenly vanished into the thin air. I told myself, maybe they are right. Sometimes, you have to remove a certain person from your life. And in my case, that certain person is you.
I miss you. So badly. But I guess we both do good without each other. I have cried a few times because of you, maybe because you don't derserve me, that's why. Because as people say, Those who doesn't deserve you make you cry, while those who really deserve you would do anything just so you woudn't cry. Since you made me cry, (or is it just me being a weak person) I think you don't derserve me.
Everyday, everynight, I check my friendslist no matter how much I tell myself not to. Everyday, everynight, I fight the urge to click your name and start a conversation. This is it, I've made up my mind. From now on, you're nothing but a damn name in my friendslist.
I don't know you.
I don't care about you.
No, not anymore.
Gosh, am I being bitter? But I guess this is how being heartbroken is. So... is this how it feels like being in love? With a broken heart in the end?
Sigh... But you know what? I still wait for that day that you'd actually PM me and start a conversation. Well, at least, for my birthday. /insert sad face here/ I wish you would PM me and say "Hey, Maki! Damn, I miss you! What's up? By the way, Happy happy birthday! I'm sorry if I haven't talked to you in a while. I was really busy with school. I'll make it up to you, promise. And oh! I haven't forgotten any of my promises to you, remember them? I'll treat you out sometime, even if it isn't your birthday anymore. And I'll always make you smile... And for a day, no maybe for two or three or everyday, I'll be your favorite singing idol and sing you your favorite songs! Hahaha! I swear, I'll make it all up to you..."
Sigh...
See how much I have fallen for you?
See what you did to me?
My single birthday wish even consisted of only you!
But until then, you'd just be nothing but a damn name in my friendslist.
My single birthday wish even consisted of only you!
But until then, you'd just be nothing but a damn name in my friendslist.
I'm not gonna say I miss you... I might just fall more.
I wish this pit has an end, just so I will never fall and fall and fall...
I wish this pit has an end, just so I will never fall and fall and fall...
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