Hi. I don't know who's going to read this or who even cares about this but I've been going through a really tough time lately and just had to share it somewhere... It's a terrible feeling to keep everything on the inside.

Anyways so during the last few months my mother's medical conditions weren't that good and she had to go stay at the hospital for a long time. I was really sad and stressed out during that time, worried for my mother and my father couldn't sleep everynight. He was so stressed out and his negative energy also affected me.

After my mom came out of the hospital she was doing a lot better and things were going great.

Basketball try outs were coming up and I was preparing for it at school, going to all the open gym days. Eventually I got on the senior basketball team. I was really happy and when I got home, I told my dad right when I got in the door.

Of course I was expecting a happy reaction, a congratulations or a pat on the back. But instead my father's expression darkened. He looked so sad that made it. He was saying things like "Oh what are we going to do?"

Basketball is the only sport that I'm actually good at, I really wanted to play it in a school team. I was hoping to get support from my parents, I was so happy on the way home but just because of my dad's one expression, I immediately lost all my emotions of joy.

I understood while he was upset and all, he thought I was TOO busy with piano, martial arts etc... And now that my mom couldn't drive me all the time it was even worse.

But there were other alternatives, like taking the bus. And I finish gr.8 piano on january 24th and martial arts is on sunday. He was just so stressed out about everything and thinking WAY too much.

I think I'm the only one that cried on the night of knowing I got on the team. I cried so much, the tears just kept pouring out continuously. I wanted my parent's support not their bashing and negativity.

The next day I went to school and told my best friend about it, tears rolled down my cheeks as I talked about it. I've been crying WAY  too much these past few months.

Honestly if he thought that I was too busy and couldn't handle it, why did he let me go to the open gyms in the first place? He could've just not allow me to join... I guess he just didn't expect that I would get on the team.

And now recently my dad has been talking more and more about how my marks are gonna drop drastically because I'm in basketball and I don't have enough time to study and stuff. But I'm one of the top students in my class and I always have enough time to study.

I just feel that he's underestimating me. Just today he talked to me saying, "It's ok that your marks are going to drop this year, you're not going to a really hard high school anyways, you can start studying harder in high school." He's already made up his mind thinking my marks are going to drop. So many times in the past my dad has put me down with words saying I can't get good marks without his help I can't do this I can't do that.I have such a strong urge to prove him wrong. On several occassions I have gotten extremely high marks ranging from 90-100 on test without his help. And all he says is good job..

I'm on winter break right now, and I haven't even had the chance to try yet and he's already made up his mind that I'm going to fail.

Since I've been living with high expectations all my life, I get so upset when my marks are lower than 85% or if someone else gets higher than me. In the past my dad would be upset if I got one question wrong. He placed so much stress on me. Of course some stress is good and I thank him for that. But right now the amount of stress I'm receiving is too much for me to handle. I can't talk to my dad about basketball related things without getting upset and having the urge to cry. He's acting like the world's going to end just because I got on the basketball team.. I don't know what to do....

Well, if anyone read this, thank you for listening and I'm sorry for taking up your precious time

SIncerely,

        Lamlokxd