Maybe im complaining too much after all... Im the kind to say that ppl aint able to see how lucky they are. that they  are always complaining that their life is a mess while they could be happy if they appreciate more the things they have. u know, the simple things in life that make us smile. 

anyway, it looks like i dont follow my own advices.... recently, I feel down... like... really down... 

My relationship is becoming a burden... I just... wanna be free... not single, just free... be able to do what i want and when i want, like before... but jealousy and selfishness is killing us... doing promises... break them... say "think about us, not only u" when its actually exactly what u're doing... tsk... 

and then... I feel like I betrayed one of my bestie, Jake... I know it wasnt really my fault. well, a part of me knows... but the other part cant help but to feel guilty... He needed me but I wasnt there... I should have been there! I could have, but I didnt move at all... I gave up on him... this thought really hurt... 

plus... thoses friends... my so dear friends that i love with all my heart... but who are suffering cause of me... I dont know what to do anymore... some ppl tells me I should just... well... stop being too close to them... -laugh ironically- like i could... I need them too much. I know its selfish as... the more im close to them, the more they'll suffer... but i just cant give up on them... I dont want to. I really need to talk to them as often as possible... I really need them by my side... 

well... with all this, I dont know what i can do anymore... I feel ty, useless, selfish, bad... i just wanna throw everything away and go to live on a lost island... i just want to take my brain off my head... 

All i want is to be happy... but it hurts so badly...