I WASN’T FORCED TO LOVE U! By enigmaticma

Reviewed by aznawzmao

Title: 3/5 

I know you probably wanted to make the title sound desperate, but the caps give the extra “loud” effect that can turn readers away. Also the shortening of “You” to “U” conflicts with the angsty feeling the title originally projected.

Foreword/Description: 5/10

I think you mixed up your foreword and your description. Your description should be the short summary about your story. The foreword, well, I guess you can put anything you want on there like author’s note, a prologue, the rating, stuff like that. Also this is your first impression to the reader. You don’t want to give too much away,

Appearance: 3/5  

The background and the poster give a really nice dark feel, but what is up with the changing of the fonts in the beginning? I would suggest giving the first page more uniformity so less readers are intimidated/gain less headaches.

Plot: 11/15  

You really have some potential to make the story interesting. What did Joon remember? Who is this mysterious guy? However, I feel like you’re accumulating more questions than answers. I know it’s only the beginning of the story, but you do want to reassure the reader you’re not going to leave them hanging at the end.

Originality: 7/15

Honestly, the whole “I’m married thing?” is a bit overused now. I’m not saying you’re a bad writer because of this, but it may be a reason why people won’t give your story a second glance. That’s my opinion though.

Grammar and Spelling: 8/20

Usually narrator’s POV is third person, but you clearly speaking in first person through the main character. You should specify instead the character’s name.

“Who the _____ is you?” It should be “Who the _____ are you” because the noun that is control of the tense is you.

Quotation marks are usually used for dialogue. I’m not saying you can’t use dashes, but since they’re unconventional people may find your story hard to read.

Your verb tense is a bit shaky. You mostly use past tense, but you do lapse into present tense. Sometimes you don’t even write with a tense. Definitely something you want to keep in mind if you want to improve.

Angry tone, not anger tone.

Most of your sentences don’t make sense, like “a phone ring woke us up.” The characters are already awake, how are they woken up? “he was talking with someone who he’s really angry off” What’s angry off? Is he angry of the guy and is that just a typo? Is he angry at?  I think in order for your sentences to make more sense and have more fluency, you just need more experience with English text.

Your metaphors and description are really nice. Anger raising like magma? I can picture that well.

Characterization: 8/10  

Chansun is Joon? You might want to clarify that since it’s a little confusing with the switch of names.

What’s Raja’s background? I know you’re letting the reader know by her reactions and thoughts, but sometimes it’s nice to have some things clarified and out in the open.

Joon and Raja are some weird characters. I never expected them to bounce back so quickly, but then again they’re adults. I wish you could give more depth to the feelings they experience, since you reveal only a little below the surface. Or you could go the other way and only show the surface, but that takes a lot of control and skill to do so.

Also the way that MBLAQ acts around Raja is pretty priceless, yet confusing because at times they seem hypocritical. Unless you wanted them to be that way, be careful.

Flow: 6/10

The story is a bit garbled, perhaps it’s due to your grammar. I think when you can get your grammar and word choice cleaned up, then your flow will improve as well.

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10 

I’m actually warming up to the story, with a lot of curiosity of what’s going to happen next. But honestly, if I had to judge your story by the first chapter, I wouldn’t read the rest of it. Maybe you improved while writing? Well, the first chapter doesn’t really give the story justice. I don’t really want to give you suggestions because you’re the author, not me. But just a thought.

Total: 58/100