Hey guyss... ^.^ sorry I wasn't able to update lately.. =__=

So very sorry. I got a massive writer's block. >.< I hate it. xD hopefully, I'll update either next weel or something.. ;A; sorry for being a horrible and slow writer. >A<

I made something. Since I was really stressed lately, I made something. Something for all the sad people out there (like me. I'm depressed. oAo I know!! It doesn't seem like it, but I am!! O_O)

So yeah. It's not really worth reading(OR IS IT?!XD), but I just felt like posting it here, so if you read it, i'm sorry for taking up your time. ;A;

Sadness. What exactly is sadness? Sadness is the feeling of being sad. It is an empty feeling. It isn’t exactly something you should want to feel, unless there’s something wrong with you. Sadness is the feeling of being sad, hopeless, depressed, and all that stuff. Sadness makes you feel hollow.

When do you feel sad? When someone important to you does something wrong. Sadness is when you’re not allowed to go out to play. Sadness is when someone spilled juice over your favourite shirt and now it’s ruined. Sadness is when the person you love is in love with someone else. Sadness is sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes it makes you cry. Sometimes it creates a different you. A person you never knew you would be. Sadness can make an energetic and cheerful person a sobbing mess. It can make me, a super happy and crazy person, a sobbing, weeping, depressed piece of . It’s something you never want to feel.

Speaking from experience, I have felt sadness. And I am still feeling it right now, except that it’s way more intense than before. And I can tell you, that it makes you feel horrible. I swear. The reasons I was sad before was that I was too afraid of losing the people important to me. I became paranoid. I started imagining what will happen if the people I cherish are gone. I felt like breaking down and crying hard everywhere. I almost couldn’t handle the sadness, since I was young then. And now, I’m a little more mature and grown up. I can handle it, but not too much of it.

Right now, my reasons for being sad are because the person I love is in love with someone else and just imagining them together and being lovey-dovey and all that makes me feel weak and broken. It’s like my heart is shattered into tiny little pieces—never to be fixed again. It’s like I’m being torn apart ever so slowly. Just being near him is hard enough. It’s like I can’t breathe when I’m with him. My heartbeat races, I can’t think properly. I feel like I’m in heaven when I’m beside him, only to crash down to hell face first when I remember that he already has a girlfriend and that he’s never going to notice or love me back. It hurts. So much.

Another reason is that I feel insecure. Super insecure. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because my “best friend” puts me down a whole lot, or because I’m just plainly insecure. I don’t know.

Sometimes, I need release too. I may look calm and strong on the outside, but that’s just a facade. I’m human too. I can’t keep bottling up my emotions forever. Sometimes, I just really think that it’s best to have a good, hard cry. Either you’re alone or with someone else. I personally think that it’s better to have a shoulder to lean on. Being alone doesn’t feel nice, I know the feeling. I have never talked about my problems and cried on someone’s shoulder or chest before, but I’d like to someday. I want to feel safe. I want to feel loved and I want to be comforted.

But don’t get me wrong. I rarely cry these days. I only cried last night(12/12/12). I needed release, what could I do? But not release, as in, self-harm release. I mean the emotional release, not the harmful release. I have never tried it before, but I’m curious. Still, I don’t want to. I don’t want to spill blood. I don’t want to hurt myself. I don’t want to hurt the body God created for me, and for me only.

Back to the topic, sadness isn’t something you should keep to yourself. Tell it to someone else, just be careful at who you tell it to. Don’t tell it to a blabbermouth if you don’t want the whole nation to know that you’re depressed or something. Tell it to your friend, your teacher, your parents, a counsellor, your sibling—if you have one. But I think that a counsellor can help you the most if you want to stop being sad.

I don’t know why I created this... abomination, but this is just something I did to release all the stress building up inside me. It’s getting unbearable. But luckily, I typed everything in here, so yeah. One last piece of advice though, if you’re sad, then try to smile genuinely at least once a day. Think happy thoughts. Keep yourself occupied. Smile and be happy. ^.^

O_o Wut..

Anyways~!!! Please keep on waiting patiently, hopefully I will be able to update soon. 

HOPEFULLY!!! ^_^

I love all of you guys! All of my subbies and commenters and friends, I wuv all of you~ <3 *hugs you all*

Till next time~ :3

Buh bye~ ^3^

-Panda