Friday, December 7, 2012

11.07 P.M.

Hi~~ :b

First this blog post was made because I need to let this out of my heart -_-v

After a few days hours of thinking and considering, I decided to uncover the real man behind the “Woohyun” from my story Losing My Heart. A few points from the story, especially the broken heart part, were inspired by my real life, took place when I finally become a senior high school student. Just like the story, the first time I saw him was on the orientation day. As a new student, he gained much attention from the other students, both the old and new. Some of the students, including the seniors, said that he’s good looking; at that time his good looking appearance didn’t gain any attention from me because in my opinion good looking is somehow like all the male Korean idols. I just know him as the new soon-to-be popular student. After 3 days of orientation, the first day of school finally started. I got separated from my best friend (who in the end left me in the middle of the first semester) and ended up in the same class with him. My school is a small school, there’re only 3 classes at that time for my years, and each class consist of 20 to 24 students. Small huh? Hahaha, but we got to know each other easily. As the school day started, he slowly caught my attention. Before him, there was a guy that I thought I had a crush on because that guy reminded me of someone. But then after a few weeks of getting known each of the class members, I finally realized why this entire time people like him. He had that kind of feel that makes you comfortable around him, there is something about him that make people turn their head and give him their attention. He became one of the popular guy and had many girls drooling over him. Even the prettiest girl in my class had a crush on him, in my story this prettiest girl is Sunhee. I realized I like him when my best friend kept on teasing me, saying that I like him. Which indeed I ended up liking him. It was a few day before the first long break of the semester. Just like every other years, I went on a family trip. This time was just around the country, while my friends either stay at home or travelling also. I was checking on my twitter and decided to I chat him, just a small talk. He said he wasn’t going anywhere, and I told him that was travelling around the central part on Java, one of Indonesia’s main island. Around 2 days later, a friend of mine told me that he was heading to the same destination as me. With that as the main topic, I got to chat with him on the school break. We almost run into each other for 2 times, but every time is either I had already left of he had already left. In no time, my new friends also knew that I like him. On my birthday, he gave me a piglrt doll keychain as a present. I got it because I kinda asked him for it. Every year, there’s an outing program. This time, we went to a small village and stayed there for 4 to 5 days. There’s a group work, and lucky me, I got him and his 2 friends on my group. After the outing, my group decided to work on the assignment at my house but ended up gossiping about some kids. The surprising part was, when we were talking about random things, he suddenly asked me about the person that I like. After that group work, he a few times mention me on twitter in respond of my tweets, I felt like I’m getting closer to him. it felt like everything’s going just fine until that day.

Another school breaks because it’s the end of the semester and also Christmas-New Year’s holiday. I was checking on my twitter a day after the New Year, I couldn’t sleep at that time. Then I saw him tweeted a date; usually if someone do that, he/she finally in a relationship. And I was right, he finally got himself a girlfriend; his girlfriend was one of the popular girls and still is. That time I realized that my feeling toward him was more that like. It was one of the hardest times of my life; I had no one because my best friend left me. But thank god, I got closer with my new friends who ended up supporting me until now, that includes Sunhee. She’s the best!! :3 since he started dating her girlfriend, I tried to keep my distance so it wouldn’t hurt so much. I close my eyes on every view of him with his girl and close my ears from all the news about him and his girl. But it didn’t change the fact that I like like him :’). A year has passed and I’m finally a second year student. Me and him got separated, I chose the science class while he and sunhee chose the social class. It’s supposed to be easier to erase the like like feeling but I was wrong. He broke up with her girlfriend after 6 months dating. He got even more touchy and love skinship than before. He always picked on me, sunhee, or other girls; it makes me like him even more. Since a month ago, he looks like he’s getting closer again with his ex. One time after the P.E claas, I saw him and his ex sat in the canteen; just the two of the in one big table. My friends said that they probably getting back together in no time. I had to agree with that, I often saw the two of them together in recess time or lunch time. Last Monday I decided to move on from this feeling. It just hurt so much. After convincing myself all day, I finally decided and prepare for my exam. Numbing my heart for the past few day wasn’t so bad, I can finally control my feelings and totally avoided him. Everything was going smoothly and fine until this evening. I was out with my friends, helping them to look for some dresses, heels, and birthday present for one of their classmate. Since I’m the only science student there and ms of my friends were on social class, I guess there’s nothing wrong with helping them. After half a day walking around the mall, we decided to stop and rest at a restaurant. Like usual, we talked about random things and hacked each other phones. Most of us use Blackberry so we put random statuses or changed our display name on the BBMessenger. Sunhee changed my display name by adding his last name, all of the hacked statuses and display name were pointing toward our own crush. On our way home, we kept on hacking one of our friends phone; and we ended up confessing her feeling toward her crush. She burst in tears, but her crush kept replying our text. Suddenly, I found myself crying also. I envied her so much, I mean her crush finally know she likes him but her crush kept on replying. If it was me, I doubted that he would keep on replying and I know he doesn’t have any feeling toward me. I guess that’s what makes me cry like a baby. A few hours ago, my friend ended up dating her crush. At least I know, one day a one-sided love will not always be one-sided.

I’m supposed to uncover the man behind “Woohyun” of Losing My Heart, but it ended up like this. A friend told me “There’s always a someone for everyone!” I hope moving on is not the wrong thing to do. He still means everything to me but he doesn’t worth the fight anymore, this huge pain in my heart for the last 1 year of one-sided feeling making me tired of chasing him. He’s getting back with his ex soon, they even call each other in more intimate way. My choice is to let him go and move on, I can’t handle the same pain I’ve been feeling since January this year. I’m back on numbing my heart again, I know just like Dumbledore said “Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it.” *just like this evening* but it worth all the effort that I need to let him go. Decided to not open my heart to any special someone for quite some times, except for my 7 dorks; INFINITE. LOL~ I’m not hoping my love life end up like Losing My heart and Is This It? Even if it does, I won’t choose Woohyun; I’d choose Sunggyu :b.. Gosh…. I keep on rambling that I don’t realize this post took 3 pages in MS Word -_- I have told you before, I need a place to let this out of my heart. But there’s 1 thing I’ve been curious, is it love that I have toward him? …………… =_= tell me what do you guys think about this :s

Love,

tata289 (tata) ♥