Sometimes you realize after you've done something that it wasn't really in your best interests. Take today, for example. My day started off fine, but then I made a decision that seemed wonderful at the time - something I long for on a constant basis with NO exceptions, not even excluding this very moment, because I don't regret it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat - but seems to have affected me negatively now... I can't decide if I want to grow up and get out of high school and away from all this or if I want to go back and keep myself from doing the things I did...maybe things would be different now. Maybe I'd be a better person, and a happier one at that. Sometimes I wonder if this slow downward spiral is going to stop eventually; perhaps I'll lose all the momentum. Then I have to consider that, by the laws of physics, the closer I get to the ground, the faster I'll be pulled along by gravity, and before I can realize what's happening, I'll get slammed down onto the concrete because my aim was always too badly off to land in something more merciful, like grass or water or maybe a mattress that was conveniently placed. I try really hard to act happy, most of the time. Some days it's harder than others. I'm worried I'm going to snap one day and hurt someone I really care about. I'm hoping that day doesn't come.

Sorry for being all over the place. I have lots of emotions today and I'm quite frankly disgusted by it.

I just want someone to talk to.