Now this is not good at all. But at all for my little, poor heart!

I no longer wish to dream, to wish, to want something. I want to live a blank life, to get the unexpected, to take it or leave it like that... Why was I born so disabled? So imperfect? I have nothing. Nothing! Nor beauty was given to me at birth, nor money to buy it. The brain is still up, struggling to find his way out from the maze that imagination has build for him and for me. Imagination...I don't want it anymore! Take it, take it, take it! Away from me, as far as possible! Maybe the dreams will perish alongside it... ...

And I no longer want to be involved. I want to break free! Why? Why do I even care?! Why did I grow to like it in the first place?! And then fond of it, I can barely let it slip my mind... It seems that the huge crossroads in front of me is like diving under boiling water! I feel the pain and yet I let myself sink deeper and deeper. I don't like it, don't get me wrong...oh well, there's this erted pleasure coming out I guess.

I wish someone would take away my ears, my eyes, my brain, my heart... Take them all away from me and put them in separate corners of an empty room or even on different continents. Maybe this way they will no longer make connections, bring down neurons, killing thousands of years of intelligence.

And while I was born and bare, thoughtless, heartless, crazy and blind, patiently waiting for my sanity to become mine, I found myself being thrown in a whirlpool of people that have everything: the looks, the talent, the money, the fame, the show, the drama, the love, the hatred, the pleasure, the smile, the lights, the ink, the lines, the phone calls, the guys/chicks, the perfume...everything is in their grasp. The power. And I...have nothing. Bare, , empty, hollow, shallow, crying fire, spitting words, echoing in front of nothingness, calling names that do not respond, yelling words that never come back. That's how I am. Not even a bird. Not even a worm. I'll less than all that. I'm human.

And here I go again with my rambling, with my deception in love, with my trust in rumors, with my bleeding dreams and shaking future... I sometimes wish I could catch a glimpse of the future me and tell her 'Have you been well? I'm sorry it hurt like Hell to become this!'........

Rumor: Yesung's dating T-ARA's Jiyeon TT~TT