So in English, we were asked to write a short satirical article based around the school.

Never give me the opportunity to be sarcastic. Never. I will go ing crazy with the assignment.

This is one of three articles I've done. I'll post the other two later.

Lindblom Students are Outraged by Insane Limitations in the Classroom

    A recent discovery made by a large population of Lindblom freshmen has left them totally baffled, confused and very angry. Upon coming to Lindblom, these freshmen were loud and obnoxious, and most importantly, ignorant- the make up for an ideal teenager. During the duration of their morning gatherings, filled with the usual crowding of hallways, mindless littering of the floors and screaming their heads off, the students were content and saw no problems with their recently inhabited environment. Making themselves acquainted with freshmen from the Academic Center, the sonorous noise in the hallway only proved to increase, and all was well.

    However, when these freshmen entered their classes, a horrible fact hit them. The teachers, the cruel hearted teachers, had limitations on given rights of the Lindblom teen community! They were imposing upon the amount of eating, talking, interruption, ignorance, and even obnoxiousness of the students. Many were terrified out of their wits, never having dealt with such treachery. The Lindblom staff, however, saw no problem with their classroom regulations.

    “We want our students to be able to learn in a clean environment where they can easily focus on the tasks that we give them,” said a teacher in the English department. “After all, how can the kids possibly think when they’re yelling in each other’s ears and being so disruptive. And don’t get me started on the red stains I see on papers from those Hot Cheetos...”

    In interviewing said English teacher, as well as others from varying departments, a conclusion was drawn that the teachers were genuinely unaware of the values of obnoxiousness and loud volumes. As most students know, screaming at each other actually maximizes their thinking ability, and overall obnoxious behavior releases a chemical from their body that prevents them from thinking critically. Despite the drawbacks of lacking common sense and the ability to hear, these methods are essential for the teen lifestyle. As for the Hot Cheeto stains on the paper? It’s insulting that they would think students have the time to wash their hands before doing their homework or handling it. If a Lindblom student doesn’t eat something that could potentially give them cancer, diabetes or internal bleeding every hour, they could actually lose weight and keep their surroundings clean, which would kill them.

    Outrage still continues to spread through the student body at Lindblom Math and Science Academy, but hopefully that will all come to an end soon. Students are trying to reason with teachers on a daily basis, asking for naps, talking back during class and sneaking in food to eat in order to emphasize their point. With luck on their side, the issue should subside relatively quickly, so long as they remain persistent in their bickering and overall ignorant attitudes.

Thoughts?

Love,

Minnie