Rubric:
 

Title: 10/10

Useless Regret. The title says it all. Bravo.

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Description is nice, although I get a bit lost on “you will never regret not…”. Then I re-read it and I finally grasped the thought.

Poster/Background/Trailer: 5/5

It was a beautiful and simple poster. Catches the intended mood of the fic.

Characters: 8/10

Lee Donghae. He was not characterized very well; I mean, being a man, he was not solidified solely in the fic. It was like, he was just…Donghae. A normal guy married to a girl. I don’t feel his character fully, really.

Baek Sumin. She was an adorable wife/mother. An ideal one at that.

Plot: 15/20

Albeit a realistic one, I don’t think it was unique. But it was good, don’t fret.

 

Grammar: 11/20

Since you told us English isn’t your first language, might as well teach you some corrections.

 

“Dear, do not panic…” Mrs. Baek grabbed her daughter’s shoulder and tried to calm her down.

“Inhale, exhale… Inhale, exhale… Much better?” Su Min nodded.

“First, go clean up, and fast!”

I do not get who was talking at the time. Please use proper (pro) nouns.

 

The wedding hall was beautiful. A nice combination of white and blue.

Not enough use of imagery. You could’ve described the wedding place more—‘The wedding hall was beautiful. Draped curtains, ribbons and flowers were adorning the surroundings with the relaxing colors of white and blue.

 

 

 (bla, bla, bla)

 

“… and now you may kiss the bride.”

 

Instead of ‘bla, bla’ you could’ve just wrote—‘The priest administered the celebration; and to wrap it all up, he strongly announced, “…you may kiss the bride.”’ I don’t think bla’s a real word (I suppose it’s a slang), and not a good one to use in fanfics.

 

 “That was just a part of it… Tonight will be even longer and hotter” Donghae managed to whisper to Su Min.

Add a period after the word ‘hotter’. And omit the word ‘managed’.

 

“Jagiya, where’s my socks?” Donghae called for his beloved wife.

It should be “Where ARE my socks?” as you are referring to two of his socks. Plural form.

 

“Aigoo, am I married to a child or something? Come here you little boy” Su Min called out for her hubby.

 A comma could’ve let me breathe here. Remember to punctuate.

 

 “Hurry, yeobo, or not you will be late for work…”

Omit the word ‘not’. Or you may re-phrase the sentence into: “Hurry, yeobo, if not you will be late for work…”

 

She felt that something is off. Her heart beats rapidly when she thinks about her only daughter. Scary thoughts made her shook her head and tightened her hug.

To whom are you referring with ‘she’?? I’m unsure if it is Mrs. baek or SuMin. But I have this idea it was Mrs. Baek, but...it's really confusing.

 

The motherly doctor said.

They’re called ob-gynecologists (OB/GYNs); that way, overuse of words is avoided.

 

Luckily, a doctor who was passing by stopped and help him to urus Mrs. Baek.

Uhm, I don’t fully grasp what you mean by ‘urus’—a typographical error, perhaps? Also, it should be ‘helped him…”

 

'If only I'm not so selfish six years back, maybe she will be here with me and Sumin jr. It's all my fault! I'm a bad husband'

Sumin jr… I advise you not to use that word. Ever. As it is most commonly used only for boys. You could’ve just wrote, “Our daughter.”

 

Throw them aside and live for a brighter future.

Using the word ‘away’ would make it better.

Flow: 7/10

A bit rushed. One moment, this is happening; the next moment that is happening. I was mostly baffled by your lack of speaker pronouns—‘she said’, ‘he asked’, or ‘they stated’. Stuff like that.

Originality: 7/10

Not quite original. I honestly feel there a lots of fanfics out there similar to this one, but with a different subject matter (not just marriage, birth, and death).

My Enjoyment: 11/15

I enjoyed it, but not the consistent presence of profound dialogs.

Bonus: 4/5

I’ll give you bonus points for not injecting rated M scenes; they would surely be out-of-place for the fic’s mood and setting. And also a point for directly using Baek SuMin’s character and name.

 

Total: 87/115

 

Reviewer’s Note:

I suggest you focus more on the imagery and use of proper nouns and pronouns so that readers (like me) wouldn’t get confused every time a conversation pops up in your fic. Spellings and punctuations can wait.

 

 

That’s it! Review done. Thank you for choosing “Pure Design” –graphic&review–. This has been Sacchan/Sachika, their ‘Passionate Reviewer’. Have a nice day!