I know that my (real) mother has problem's with head but this was too much......

Ever sense I was little my grandma (who I call mom) raised me and my real mother never was Interested about me.

(Before the age of 2 when my father (later uncle) or grandma wasn't home she would hit and yell at me it continued even when grandma lived with us after the death till the age of 4 )

At the age of two my father who was a judge  did a suicide and shot himself in his head at his office  after giving in resignation of his job because he was caught working with hangover (and a judge can't be even in a hangover) he started to drink because my real mother and her doing's.

They married only because she was pregnant with me and he wanted the best for the baby.....

He really was a great man.

(Till the age of 5 my youngest uncle lived with us and help  us as much as he could)

All these year's she has terrorized me and mom (my grandma) because she wanted to 'raze me' but actually she wanted the apartment that was on my name and the money that came from me and I had from my father (all the thing's went to my name after his death she got nothing).

After a while my half sister was born and then it all started thrum her. 

I really love my sister but she was and still is used as a puppet in her doing's.

And now that after 13 year's (Im 15) we requested child's support money thru court because we cant get thrum the fees alone anymore she gave the biggest blow that made me really crumble

(note that she never did help in any way in those 13 year's)

She went to an interview and made article about our family full of lie's.

That she is innocent and everyone was brutally abusing her and turning they're back's on her.

That my 'monster ' of father was a drunkard that threw around loaded pistol and endangered me

(yes he had a pistol but it always was locked in a safe)

That two of my uncle's (her brothers) beat her up and the older one that is my godfather even made her sleep with him countless time's and that even her own mother didn't love her and left her at boarding school without visiting.

How grandma  has taken me from her with craftily and how grandma is evil as well  she thought that Elizabeth may replace the 'pain' of loosing her older daughter that she clamed to 'love'

And now you see how my life would make one heck of good drama.....

It's such a mess...

After the article that we found last Wednesday I haven't been the same....

That night I broke down in sob's because even how much of  s h i t you  throw on me I can take it but if you talk or do something to the people that are close to my heart... I.. I just can't take it....

All my life I haven't called her my mother or looked at her as one... but now Im even ashamed I know such a person

thinking about it I feel so... dirty

I can take everything but to dirty dead person's good name...

Its too much...

Every time I think about it my eye's tear up that I couldn't really concentrate weary good this week at school thing's...

Its so hard to it up I just want to beat her up and call her in every dirty name possible...

So I really have to get my self together to re-start writing... I hope you will understand....