When I was a cat, I used to entertain you with my antics and that made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of thrown pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was ‘bad’, you would shake your finger at me and ask, “How could you?” but then you had to relent me to scratch my belly. My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy with your awfully uphill work, but we worked on that together. I still could remember vividly, those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your grief and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect than that. Some of our blissful memories that I treasure the most are when we went for long walks in the park, the car rides, stopping for ice cream which I only got the cone because “ Ice cream is bad for cats”, you said. I often napped in the sunbeam that shone through the balcony door into the living room, waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Sometimes you said the trivial matters, or smiled, and it made my entire day better.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work building your “career” rather than staying at home with me. You also had started to spend more time searching for your human mate. I always waited for you patiently, comforted you through your heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about your bad decisions and romped with glee at your homecomings and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, was not a “cat-person” but still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her my affection and obeyed her orders even though I was aware of the fact that she is not a cat-lover. I was happy because you were happy. Then, the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. Obviously, I am fascinated by their pinkness, how nice they smelled and I secretly wanted to mother them, too. However, only she and you who were anxious that I might hurt them and because of that, I had to spend most of my time banished to another room, or to a cat crate. Oh… how I wanted to love them, but because of both of you, I became the “prisoner of love”.

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung onto my fur, pulled my wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and even gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them, especially their touch because your touch was now so infrequent. Those human babies were now my first priority and I would have defended them with my life if it had to be. Together, we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. Everything began to be much more different from before, and YES, I truly hated to admit that. There had been time, when others asked you if you had a cat, you would proudly show a photo of me from your wallet and told those stories about me. What saddened me the most, these past few years, you just answered with a quick nod and quickly tried to change the subject. I had gone from being your ‘precious’ cat to ‘just’ a cat, and I could notice that you always resented for every expenditure that was spent on me as if I mean nothing to you.

Now, you have new opportunity in another city and you and ‘they’ would be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. Yes! You had made the right decision for your “family”, but there was a time when I was your one and only “family”. That day, my heart was swelled up with happiness and I was truly excited for  the car ride but not until we arrived at the animal shelter. The smells of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. Outside, the sky was full of dark and ragged clouds. Even though a flash of forked lightning raged with fury and a great clap of thunder came close upon each other, it still did nothing to alleviate my worry away as your actions was more deafening than the harsh rain that began to pour down in anger. You filled out the paperwork and told them that you knew they will find a good home for me. They shrugged and gave you a painful look because they already understood the reality facing a middle-aged dog or cat even one with “paper”.

 My heart was in my mouth and the dread I felt was palpable when all that I could see was you who just casually flashed them a sardonic smile, stood up and moved on to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar. The frightened child was on the brink of tears while his face evidenced the struggle between shame and defiance in his heart. It shattered my heart into million pieces, as I was extremely worried for him and concerned about how you would teach him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility and about respect for all lives. For our farewell, you gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I had one, too.

After you left, the two nice women sank into melancholy and said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and did not attempt to find me another good home. One could see a flicker of anger that crossed their face as they shook their heads and asked, “how could he do that?” I knew ladies, that was exactly my thought at that moment, “how could you?” The two nice ladies were very attentive and devoted their full attention to me in the midst of their busy schedules .They fed me, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago and nothing could lift me out of my state of deep gloom. At first, whenever anyone passed, I would rush to the front, hoping it was you –that you had changed your mind—that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would be someone who cared, anyone who might be willing to save me from this living hell. When I realised that I still could not compete with frolicking for attention of happy kittens and puppies, oblivious to their own fate, a sudden loss came over me and I retreated to a far corner and determined to keep on waiting for you.

One afternoon, I heard footsteps. They picked me up and took me through a long corridor to an isolated room in the building. It was a blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As it was my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden, which she put up with, must have weighed heavily on her shoulders and I could read her true feelings like an open book, the same way I always did to you. My heart sank when I see her face. Her face was grave, abstracted, almost could have fancied sad.

She gently placed a tourniquet and expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein as tears ran down her cheek. I her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and sensitively murmured, ”how could you?”. It was actually an agonizing feeling of shame and guilt. Perhaps because she was familiar to animal “languages”, she said “I’m truly sorry”. A flood of tears gushed down her cheeks again but this time it was her who tried to comfort me by hugging and explaining it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I would not be ignored or abused or abandoned. A better place of love and light that was different from this earthly place.

With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my, “how could you?” was not meant for her. It was meant for you, my beloved master. I hope that you would never forget the fact that, I, your used to be wife, child and girlfriend, will always think of you and pray for your happiness forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you what loyalty really is.