Okay, so I am just going to rant and express my feelings and all that .

I haven't felt this way in a /long/ long time. Honestly, I really don't know how to explain my mood, I just feel ty beyond belief.

First, love issues. I tell all my friends I'm fine without a boyfriend, but in all honesty, I am /really/ lonely. I wish I had someone to hold hands with in the hallways, who would care about me and hug me as if they'd never want to let me go. I yearn for someone to kiss me and tell me how much I mean to them, to wrap their arms around me and surprise me in a back hug, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I know this isn't realistic, but I desperately want /someone/ to love me.

Second, eating/dieting/appearance issues. I don't really know how to go on a diet, and I skip so many meals, it's not even healthy. It's not that I'm anorexic or anything, I just don't have time to eat, or I forget to eat. But I /need/ to lose weight, dance is starting in just a few weeks, and I really want to be a strong dancer this year. I have so much trouble with keeping a diet although I excersize regularely. I have really low self-esteem. I honestly get up in the morning, look in the mirror once, and think about how bad I look. How ugly I am. It's disgusting. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but I feel like I look hideous; every second of every day. It's terrible, and it makes me want to burst into tears.

Thirdly, my personality issues. Whenever I go to school, everyone stares at me and gives me weird looks. Why? Is it because I'm different, or I don't dress like them? I don't know. But I feel like I'm being observed under a microscope by a gang all day at school, because I constantly get laughed at or made fun of. And it does /not/ make a kid feel good. I know I'm different and unique, but does that really give others the right to look down upon them for having their own beliefs, opinions, and style? I mean, c'mon. Don't be rude now. I could judge half the kids in my school for being s and douchebags, but I'm polite.

Lastly, other things that are bothering me. My whole family is yelling at me for one thing or another, and I'm only awake off of monster right now. I have the worst headache in the world, and they keep yelling at me for losing things, or causing trouble, when I didn't do . Like, wtf? And then, I only have like 2 close friends at school, whom I barely ever see, that I feel completely envious next to. They're so pretty, and I'm so...not. Hoping for a better day tomorrow, I'm just going to continue ranting about my bad mood to you poor, unfortunate souls. I feel so blah tonight, and I feel depressed like I used to. I can't really explain why, but I'm crying like the baby I am, and I really just feel like I'm falling and falling. The pit of my stomach feels rotten, and I just have nothing to look forward to right now. I am struggling with school, pets, friends, family, and lastly, my mom. I love my mom to death, and I really wish I could be with her, but according to the damn law, I can't move in with her until I'm 18. Laws can smd. I really don't give a . The other thing that is making me sad, is thinking about college. I really can't wait for college, but I don't think I'll have any money for it. Considering my parents aren't paying for any of my college, I'm stuck trying to pay it on my own. I want to finish taking my generals at a college near me, and then study abroad. But I seriously feel like that's impossible. And lately, the one thing I've been focusing on is my singing and dancing skills. I feel like I have the worst voice in the world, and I can't dance the way I want to. I can picture the choreography in my head, but I always hesitate when I try to do what I saw in my head. And with singing, my best friend IRL is so good, I feel so self-conscious. I keep trying and trying to improve, but God obviously hates me and wants me to feel even more low than I already do.

Sorry for ranting so much, I just feel like the worst piece of dung in the world right now. It's one of those nights where I really /wouldn't/ mind going to sleep and never waking up. I'm going to go cry to my heart's content now, bye..