When I talk to people (friends/family/etc) who know my parents, a lot of the time they tell me that I have great parents who raised me well. They say that they're so much better than a lot of kid's parents and they love me, and I really should be grateful to them. What kills me is that they say that, but I live with them. If it's family telling me that, they know him. But they know the people they lived with several years ago. It's been over 26 years since they lived with my parents--they don't really know them anymore. 

Great parents? I'll admit they do have some qualties about them that are fairly good--like, my mom can cook good and when she's not being an emotional train wreck and uncontrolled bipolar person, she's a great to just lie with and talk about my day and what things I need to get done in the day. Unfortunately, she's almost always a needy person who needs to make everyone's life difficuly. And my dad, he's easy to talk to about my problems at times, but usually when I'm done talking to him, he just says "You need to grow up. I get tired of your whining." 

Isn't it alright to just release your frustrations when you feel like it's too much? He does it to me all the time about my mother or me.

There are times (like this one) when I just hate them. 

My mother always has the needs to blame all the things that are wrong with her life onto me. Sometimes it becomes to much and the only people I can talk to is my second cousin because she understands mental illnesses and how they can affect the family. But my mother doesn't like it when I vent about it. An exact quote from the other day, "I feel threatened. I don't want you destroying the relationship I have with my family." 

That really hurt my feelings and I spent the rest of the afternoon crying in my room because I felt like everything was my fault. 

My dad on the other hand, I don't really know what his problem is exactly, but he seems to always be putting me down. Because there have been so many incidents where my mother is always yelling at me about her own issues when he comes home from work, he doesn't want to hear it anymore so he just tells me to stop being a disrespectful kid and straighten up the attitude. What attitude? I didn't yell back or say mean things or anything. All I did was try to calm her down and talk about things calmly. 

Today, he said I need to really think about my actions otherwise I'm going to really "get it". He said that If I really can't take living here with them because they're such "horrible parents", I can just move out. He said he's take my stuff and throw it outside and I can find somewhere else to live. 

I haven't done anything at all remotely disrespectful. He just walked into the room I was in when I was writing a new chapter, and starting getting on me about my "stupid attitude and bull". He said he was done with it all and wasn't gonna accept it anymore. 

I honestly don't know what I did, but I did know I would fix it. I don't want to have a relationship with them and I hate fighting with them. I just hate living like this. 

I really hate thinking I can never do anything right. I hate thinkning everything is my fault. I've so had it. 

If I could move out, I would but I don't have anywhere to go. 

i just need to live with it for a year at least then maybe I can get a roommate close enough to the college I'm gonna attend. I just need to get out of here. 

....Maybe I can pitch a tent by a highway or something....