**contains TTBY spoilers for ep4**

Now that I am officially caught up in To The Beautiful You/For You in Full Blossom, I have to admit that episode left me feeling very emotional. There were about three times that actual tears rolled down my cheek, I'm not going to lie.

#1

The whole first part of the episode; seeing Minho's determination and instinct to save Sulli really got to me, and seeing her innocence and vulnerability was hard to watch, especially being someone who has been in a situation like that but was not saved. I don't ship their characters together, but at the same time am moved by it. I think because she's so anti-female that I don't get bothered. At any rate, please don't judge me, I really wasn't conciously trying to force SHINee-anything into my translation of the scene, but for some reason I like instintively imagined/wondered if Minho's take on this scene mirrored his real-life bent towards protectiveness and save-the-day type personality, and all at once I could see him coming to Taemin's aid this way (I'm not talking about parallel circumstances, only attitudes), maybe in the earlier years when Taemin was more innocent and "soft" and in some sort of need of protecting. It just made me that much more emotional because I could really see it. Gah... I don't know if this even makes sense; I guess what I'm trying to say is that there was a moment there that I really felt like we got to see Minho's true heart. And the whole scene was just... amazing. I was so proud of him, and Sulli too for not acting "femininely." I have to admit, I really really love her in this show. A lot. And this is coming from someone who completely disliked her beforehand. What made me cry even MORE was, just like ep3, how they play Onew's song during their time of intimacy. It's like the glue that ties everytihng together, and it makes my emotions go on overload.

#2

Now, this scene below - this was the second time I got emotional, though for different reasons. When Hyunwoo Googled "gay" and then envisioned what it would be like to be married to another man. Firstly, I am really surprised how blantant this show has gone with the subject of homouality, and honestly, I'm proud of them. I don't know if it is controversial or not. And I know that he eventually concludes that it's not the reality he wants, but I think it's because he's just feeling a lot of confusion right now (obviously). What I love about his attraction to Sulli is that he just fell in love blindly, and by that I mean, he fell in love without seeing gender, or being able to "talk himself out of it" by checking out/dating girls. He really is so innocent, regardless of Sulli's secret only solidifying his "normal orientation." I'm just really touched by his character's heart. And I really, really want them to get together, honestly. I ship them even though I have my doubts it will happen (part of me wonders if they'll end up pairing her with Minho's "girlfriend"; the other part of me wonders, is Sulli the little girl of his childhood who moved to America?). But, again, being someone who understands that "what is happening to me and why do I feel these anti-norm feelings?" on a personal level, I just have a lot of empathy for his character.

and re: Yoogeun... it was so nice to see lil' Moogeun Yoogeun again. But I, again, after thinking about things (overthinking, as usual), thought, how important for him to have a role like that if SHINee members are really stuggling with this kind of reality as gay men. I mean... we all thought it was weird for him to see the JongTae stuff (he saw it twice), but maybe he understands more about them as people than we ever will. Look, I know that they can't come out and say things directly, like "So many Korean men and women have these kind of secrets and shouldn't be treated differently or chastized," but for a society that is so blatanly against this lifestyle, isn't giving words like those to a child who's become an icon for a 'son' to a group most commonly affiliated with homouality something altogether relevant and meaningful? (And if that's the case, it only makes that much more sense why Minho is doing this show also). They aren't making fun of this reality by giving him this "dream"; if they were, there would be a sense of bashing. But they aren't bashing it at all - Hyunwoo cannot shake these fantasies (they are only getting intimate, since the previous one was merely co-showering; this one is actual marriage and family-raising), and secretly relishes them. It's a part of his character early on, and we still all love him for it. He's appealing to us, the audience. He isn't pushing her away by taking out his aggression on her or being mean about it. He's trying to find a way to understand himself and what all his desires mean; he's not disgusted with her, or himself - just confused. So, I think it's pretty powerful, all be it subtle (and humorous). 

#3

The other part that got me crying was Minho's memories of his mother. I'm sorry, but to all those haters out there who say Minho can't act, I think you're wrong. I am really feeling the emotion coming from him, and how torn he is with losing her, his joy in jumping, and the pressure of being a star athlete. I really have sympathy for his character and am moved by the obstacles he is facing alone - bravely and silently, and beyond anyone's help. He wants to allow Sulli to encourage him, I'm sure, but probably feels terrified of ever having a dependance on anyone again. That he is so reactive to Sulli's secret (it's obvious he is sad when she comes to say goodbye), leads me beleive that he already suspected her of being a girl to begin with (another reason why he wen tto save her on the beach?). And, if not, what makes me emotional about his care for her is that I can, once again, see this being relative in his personal life if he is gay. Regardless, I just think he's a lot like Tae Joon in some ways; a silent sufferer who does his best to not let others down, all the while protecting them however he can/needs to - even if it means making the hard decisions. Tell me, how can anyone rag on Choi Minho ever? He's just the most upstanding guy. And you know what, he's doing his best. And his best is more than good enough for me, so can you show him more respect? 

Other scenes I loved about ep4: Sulli's "date" with her brother was fun, and I enjoyed seeing her as a girl again for a short time. The fansigning was so awkward and wonderful. I still really hate that -fairy girl. And will be so upset if they put her with my mousey-boy, Hyunwoo ('cause it's obvious Minho doesn't want her, so I'm not worried about that). 

PS: these girls are my heroes:

#4

Lastly, I was moved by the ending. Aside from the before mentioned "goodbye" scene with Minsul, poor Hyunwoo's feelings are just so abused in this show. I really felt bad for him in episode 3 (especially after bit**-girl nearly killed him - twice), but his heart is so pure and his intensions, so kind. He really is any girl's dream, and he reminds me so much of my husband in nature. Just that sweet, gentle spirit who is caring and will always be the best friend you need in your darkest hour. I really hope his story ends happily.

You know, I really didn't expect to like this show so much. I initially only wanted to watch it for obvious reasons, but this show has really moved me (clearly), and I enjoy it without being blinded by a "bias" or anything fangirly like that. I have been watching it as a nonpartisan person and have become invested in the story and all the characters equally - at least the main three, who I all love. It has nothing to do with being a Flame in the end. I don't understand why there are some people who bash this show. It's really good - funny and sweet, sad and joyful~ it's just a good experience. I hope everyone will support it. 

Anyway, I can't wait till the next two episodes come out next week. Looks like Tae Joon's going to be inspired again, surely a result of his roommate's (ex-roommate's?). He did overhear her saying that she came to that school for that reason (not that she hadn't told him face to face, but that it was the first time understanding her actual meaning and the sacrifice/hardship it required for her to come there). So, maybe ep5 will be less emotional and more exciting? We'll just have to wait and see. 

So, thanks for listening to my rant. It's made me feel a little better at least. :)  

I'll leave on a happy/funny note~

 vv

Jong... you're still doing this to Min all these years later... it makes me happy. :) 

i love this picture of sulli

 <-- this part was hilarious. I imagine Minho felt as awkward about saying it as Tae Joon did.