Title: Masked
Author: TiaraL
Reviewed by: JjinYJ

 

Title: (5/5)

 

I really liked the title, which is odd considering I’m not usually a fan of using single words. There’s often a danger for these kinds of titles to be overly-sophisticated, which suggests a specific audience and is such a little inaccessible to the average reader. However, in this case I thought that there was something inherently poetic in the metaphor which was mysterious, intriguing and simple. Personally I would want to give the story a chance if I saw it. Beyond this, it was obviously very relevant to the theme of ‘identity’ throughout the story.

 

Description and Foreword: (10/10)

 

Honestly I thought this section would be hard to improve upon. In my opinion, shorter descriptions are more successful because they leave questions to hopefully pique curiosity that cannot be done if you ‘describe’ too much. Of course this can sometimes back fire if you have too little by way of a description, but here I thought you managed to balance it very well. It seemed like you’d chosen very carefully the words to fit in this section and it was a very short and sweet insight into the plot.

 

The forward was well written with no grammatical mistakes that I could discern. Again, it had the right balance of mystery and clarity that left me intrigued to carry on. I felt the theme of the story coming through very clearly from this short extract, and personally I would praise the use of such a short excerpt. In my opinion - as with the description - it is good to keep this section fairly brief, to allow the reader to become intrigued without giving the plot away.

 

For the benefit of the review, I will take into account that the one-shot is for a one-shot competition and bear in mind the prompt that was used.

 

Originality of Plot: (20/20)

 

I can honestly say that this story definitely stands unique, at least in my opinion.

 

Horror is an incredibly hard genre to write successfully and it is probably for that reason that it is not often attempted. That being said, I have seen a few. However, where ‘Masked’ seems to differ is in the way that the horror is portrayed. For example, a lot of ‘horror’ stories rely on mechanics of over-the-top gore and clichés to get a few thrills, whereas here it was achieved through a much more subtle, psychological method. In my opinion this kind of literature is much more effective.

 

Split personalities are also difficult to portray successfully, but it was incredibly lucid and easy to follow Kai’s. The depth of the characters adds to uniqueness of the plot; most obviously in Kai’s personality, but also in his perceptions of the world around him - it was morbid, but refreshing to see the demonization of his surroundings and how he reacted to them. Again it was an innovative way to introduce the horror element into the story and it worked very successfully, in my opinion.

 

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (25/25)

 

I can’t say that I saw any grammatical errors whatsoever, so it’s obviously hard for me to give you any advice on where to improve here. You know exactly when to differentiate between commas and semi-colons, which might sound odd to praise, but it is something that a lot of writers confuse. I did, however, read the review that you had done from another shop and I have a little disagreement with one of the corrections they made for you.

 

You were told that in the sentence, ‘At this point in time, I hate him,’ you should’ve changed ‘hate’ into a past participle. In this way, you were advised that the sentence should’ve read, ‘At this point in time, I hated him.’

 

From my point of view you don’t need to change this. The use of ‘this’ as a determiner indicates to me that you’re talking in the present tense, thus ‘I hate him’ uses the correct form of the verb. Had you said, ‘At that point in time..’ you would’ve been referring to a past event and would therefore need the past participle, but in your case you didn’t and so you don’t need to change this.

 

Furthermore, spelling and punctuation was - from what I could see - nothing short of perfect. The flow of writing was complimented well by properly interchanging commas and semi-colons whilst your eloquent language was never dampened by miss-spellings.

 

Writing Style: (10/10)

 

I knew even before reading that you had a distinctive writing style, so I was very much looking forward to reading your one-shot! Thankfully I was not disappointed. Imagery and metaphor are used so effortlessly in your writing, whether it is to portray the ephemeral nature of a dream, or the illusion of a conflicted mind; I found it to be utterly gripping and unique.

 

My only real piece of advice would be to keep doing what you’re doing. Your use of language is very sophisticated and you have such a wide vocabulary that it makes every idea and sentence a new experience. Sometimes this high-standard of writing is criticised for being too sophisticated, but I would always disagree; I would encourage you to strive for this level of eloquence in all your writing (I know you do anyway) and keep confidence in your capacity to write.

 

Characterization: (10/10)

 

I probably sound like I’m repeating myself, but this section was absolutely perfect again. I thought Kai’s character was done very skilfully and that in turn allowed us to see the world through his eyes very easily. His own perception of Taemin and in particular his surroundings in the hospital gave the entire settings a rather unique twist, especially when considering the use of imagery and eloquent language to portray this.

 

I initially felt as though Taemin’s character could’ve done with a bit more depth, particularly when I considered that his past was never disclosed. However, as I stopped and thought, I actually felt as though this was very effective for the story. The world is described through Kai’s eyes and his own warped perceptions, so it makes sense to not fully understand the reality of the other characters. We got a glimpse of Taemin’s own morbid logic, which only furthered the psychological horror aspect of the story.

 

Flow of Story: (9/10)

 

On the whole I thought the progression of the story was very clear and well-paced. I always think it’s a little complicated to discuss this in a one-shot since there is meant to be a lot of information in one chapter, thus the flow can sometimes be affected and a little confusing. I would say that you managed to avoid skipping parts of the plot to make the story fit, and that you did this quite well. However I deducted a single mark because I felt as though sometimes the scenes felt a little disjointed from each other, for example the transitioning from Kai’s orphanage story straight to Taemin in the bathroom. I wasn’t sure if it was intended for Kai’s thoughts to be sometimes scattered and slightly incoherent, but I did get this impression at times which is why I deducted the mark. If it was a stylistic choice, then I would applaud you for having the perception to do this but I wasn’t so sure if it was - had it been definitely intended, I would put this mark up to full. I hope this makes sense.

 

Ending: (5/5)

 

I loved the ending and thought it tied the plot together perfectly. I thought it showed how sophisticated your style of writing was to use the forward as your actual ending, since it seemed to me to have two completely different meanings after having read the actual story (If this makes sense). The ending was quite unsettling when I look back now, but it has that beautiful, poetic quality that makes it wholly appropriate. And just as a side note, it seemed like a really imaginative way to interpret the prompt that you were given for the contest.

 

Overall Enjoyment: (5/5)

 

It’s probably obvious from how much I’ve been praising that I thoroughly enjoyed this one-shot. It feels as though I have little to say to help you improve beyond encouraging you to stay true to your own writing style and have confidence that it is methodically unique and captivating. I loved it!

 

Total: (99/100)

 

Bonus (Poster): (2/2)

I was a little disappointed to see that you didn’t make the poster yourself! But I did think it complimented the story very well.