Scarf Love – phagirl

Reviewer: jokerkkhe22

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1st poster

 

2nd poster

 

Title 3/5

It does not appeal to me and most importantly, its cliché.

 

Appearance 2/5

I love the first poster very much, it gives off an angsty feeling but I don’t think there is a connection with the story. It rather talks about a violence type story than yours. The second poster, it sure have connection with your story as a picture of a child, who I assume as Hana is there between Sooyoung and YongGuk, but it does not appeal to me as it looks dull.

 

Description and Foreword 5/10

Why did you tell the plot in the description? It will make readers feel bored and that is definitely not a need. You could just put a glimpse of the story but never the plot.

 

The English 20/35

2 Snakes bites: just use the word two, stories usually uses words to represent number and it looks neater.

Capitalisation matters, you don’t have to capitalize an initial of a word inside a sentence (except it is in the beginning of a sentence or a name) here are several of your mistakes:

he Firmly said – firmly as it is located in the middle of a sentence, moreover it is not a name of anything.

“Don’t Smart me” – “Don’t smart me” again, S in smart doesn’t have to be capitalize as it is in a middle of a sentence.

There are more cases like that in your story, please correct them.

You tend to mistype some words, such as:

Joyus: joyous

Shodow: shadow

“Thats my seat your in” – “That’s my seat you’re in”

Rom – room

Haging – what is this? Did you mean hanging?

 

I noticed that you get sloppy in the last few chapters. Many typographical mistakes are found there. I suggest you to write in Ms.Word first or get a beta reader if you haven’t, it will help you a lot.

 

Plot 10/20

Okay… it tells about the starting of high school life and in an instance it jumped top working life already? I think that’s too fast and confusing. Plus, how can a mother not wanting to find who pregnant her daughter and tell him to take responsibility? For sure my mother will go fleece that man who pregnant her daughter. And how can Sooyoung make such sacrifices? Its not like Yong Guk won’t take responsibility. One more, Secret knows about this especially Ji Eun and she did not demand her brother to take responsibility? Ji Eun is a justice holder there, so even though Sooyoung begged her, she must tell her brother to take responsibility shouldn’t she? Unrealistic characters I must say.

 

Arrangement 27/30

The sequences that you arrange are good. But sometimes goes off the story.

 

Originality 5/10

I’ve seen many stories with plots like that, making naïve sacrifices. Not so original.

 

Viewer’s comments  4/5

The reader’s love your story! But I agree to one of them, your chapters are way short.

 

Total:  76/120

R/N: Thank you for requesting and I am sorry if my words are too harsh.