Title: 4/5

The title isn't capitalized properly. It should be capitalized to look like this: “Living with Famous Idiots!”

As far as originality goes, it was original when you first wrote it, so docking for originality would be "pointless" in a sense.

Poster/Background: 7/10

The blending between all the boys and their pictures is fairly obvious, and the text (i.e. #1 Dumb Korean!) isn't noticeable on a first glance. Almost hard to read if you're not paying close attention. However, the poster fits the mood of the story while the background complements the poster.

Description: 2/5

there were simple things i learn with my brother Donghae <--capitalize the first letter (so the "t" in "there"), capitalize the "I", learn should be "learned", and put a colon at the end of the sentence since you explain what the character, Alex, learned.

3. NEVER EVER live with him! Or else your life will become a crazy rollar coaster! <--to show "emphasis", you should italicize because it is more professional, and it is suggested, but not needed, that you combine the two sentences into one by dropping the first exclamation point and making the "o" in "or", lowercased. Also, you spelled “roller” wrong for “roller coaster”

As for your "Please no...." rant, you need to put a comma after please, and placing a disclaimer and "copyright of sujudork602" might be a better replacement of your “rant” in order to stay professional.

Foreword: 0/5

Your foreword is informal. A real foreword is where the author states the reason why they wrote the story or the connection they have to the story itself. The foreword, if the author of the story does not write it, will describe the relationship of the author of the forewords and the author of the story. The author of the forewords would then make their own "assumptions" of the story, and essentially "evaluate" the story's author.

However, since you wrote your forewords as an introduction, all grammar mistakes will be pointed out.

He's the famous super junior member... <--The "s" in super needs to be capitalized, and the "j" in "junior" needs to be capitalized. Super Junior is considered a "proper" noun in this case.

that i HATE the most. <--capitalize the "I".

I know what your thinking, <- it’s “you’re”

"He's your brother! How can you hate him?" <--these two should not be spaced/separated, you’re using the wrong “your” (you need to use “you’re”), and if you're referring to "thoughts", you need to italicize.

Well i do!  <--comma after "well" and capitalize the "I".

I was adopted by the Lee family when i was 10, because my mother hated me. <--capitalize the "I". It is also suggested that you reword the “I was adopted by the Lee family” to “The Lee family adopted me…” in order to avoid using “I” too often.

Then i left to go study as an exchange student in America. <--capitalize the "I".

You know what? Now i'm living with him <--this is an abrupt transition from the previous statement, and capitalize the "I" in "I'm".

It's cause my mom wanted me to. <--you need an apostrophe in front of the "cause" because if it does not look like 'cause, the word changes meaning. By having "cause" (without the apostrophe), you're saying something similar in this aspect: "The cause was to help the survival victims."

Well, at least it's only for college right? <--comma after "college".

Because the university is closer right? <--comma after "closer".

Creativity/Plot/Originality: 4/10

The story has its ups and downs. There are cliché scenes, but it has its originality too, since it was one of the "first" of its own kind on AsianFanFics. If you add the variable of other stories that are similar to this, then the "originality" does not exist, however, since this story was one of the first and popularized the "idea" of K-pop celebrities' siblings, there is being counted as an exception.

Flow/Detail: 2/10

The flow is too rushed at times, making the story seem too vague at times (meaning the details are lacking). There is no need to be overly detailed since this is written in "first point of view", and authors will always lose a certain amount of detail in the story, but you, as the author, could easily write what your character, Alex, is seeing in front of her.

Example:
(you wrote, in chapter o1):

I sighed, and sat on my suitcase. And waited, then my phone rang again.

In those two sentences, what did she do besides sit there and wait? Did she look at the other Koreans? The other visitors? Play with her phone? Stare blankly at the floor? Look for her brother?

You could have easily written one small paragraph with that. Here’s an example:

I sighed and sat on my suitcase. Looking around the place with a bored expression, I waited for my idiotic brother. Life . Heaving another long, drawn out sigh, I attempted to entertain myself while I continued to wait; all I had to do was wait until I saw Donghae—then, I would kill him. Sometime, during my fantasizing on how I to kill him though, my phone went off, pulling me out of my dream world.

You can write a paragraph to something of that effect to help your flow and whatnot.  

When you write, ask yourself, "What would I do in this situation?" to add details to the story. By having a few more details, it'll help your story flow. Life may pass people by quickly, but in real life, before you forget about it, you'll notice a lot of little things.

Also, look for a synonym for “then” because you use that word as a “crutch” in your writing.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 0/30

You have various spelling mistakes, severe punctuation problems, the occasionally awkwardly worded sentence, capitalization issues, tense issues, and repetitive statements.

Examples of your mistakes in chapter o1:

In the first few paragraphs, you mentioned America several times—but it was unnecessary after the first one and mentioning the States more than once could easily be avoided with some rewording. 

You haven’t seen the guy in 4 years, and here you are, back to Korea from the states, but he leaves you waiting at the airport for 3 hours after a 14 hour flight!  <--should be "back in" not "back to", the "s" in "States" should be capitalized since it is a place.

well, this isn’t the first time. <--capitalize the “w” in “well”.

When I first came home back to Korea from America, he didn’t visit, but kept on doing his Super Junior career. <--this is awkwardly worded (most of which is due to the “…but kept on doing his Super Junior career” section) and somewhat redundant by mentioning Korea and America. A possible way to reword this to avoid redundancy and the awkwardness is: “When I first came back to Korea, he didn’t visit, but instead, continued with his career and Super Junior activities.”

"My little Alex, i missed Yo-" <--change your “hyphen” to a dash (there is no “button” on your keyboard to make a dash. A dash is made with two hyphens that are placed side by side).

“Let me carry your bags” he said and grabbed my suitcase, and 2 of my duffel bags and started to walk <--comma after “bags”.

“No” I lied. <--after “no”, place a comma or a period.                   

“Sounds like you’re starving.” He said, keeping his eyes on the road, <--the “h” in “he” needs to be lowercased, and the comma at the end of this sentence should be a period.

Don’t forget to capitalize your “I’s” when they’re by themselves or in a contraction.

In addition, you do not need to place a comma between a sentence that uses “and” if the two sentences you’re showing cannot stand alone.

Example:

He smiled at me and took my hand.

A comma is not required because “took my hand” cannot stand as a proper sentence when alone.

Example using something you wrote:

“Alright then” he smiled, and asked the ahjumma for shaved ice.

There should be a comma after “then”, but no comma after “smiled” because the clause, “asked the ahjumma for shaved ice”, cannot stand alone.

Examples of mistakes in chapter 30:

I yelled, I guess he didn’t hear me, since he just ignored me and kept on running frantically. <--this is a run-on sentence.

The previous statement about the commas still stands within this chapter, too.

“I know people” I sighed, “Isn’t the concert starting soon?” <--comma after “people”, change the comma after “sighed” to a period.

This entire conversation doesn’t make complete sense and will confuse some readers:

“What about Shinee?”

“End”

“F(x)?”

“End”

Consider rewording that and do not forget your punctuation.

“Who’s been raise by guys” I sighed, I really wanted to add “And I’ve been living as a guy with a CERTAIN famous group who doesn’t notice me!” <--this needs to be rewritten with proper grammar. This is an example of how to write it: “Who has been raised by guys,” I sighed. I really wanted to add, “And I’ve been living as a guy with a certain, famous group who doesn’t notice me!”

In this chapter, you used “smiled”, “said”, “sighed”, and even some of the same phrases (i.e. he looked at me) several times—and near each other, at that.

Those are mistakes from random chapters and most of your chapters have the same mistakes as those. Remember that “I”, when alone or in a contraction, needs to be capitalized. Watch your spelling and try and proof read your story as you go if you want to avoid rereading your story from the top once you’ve finished reading it.

Characterization: 5/15

The main reason you lost points for characterization is that you aren’t always the most consistent with your characters. In the beginning of the story, your fictional character, Alex, seemed too undefined—as though you didn’t know how you wanted to write her. As one reads the story, her character what was lacking in the beginning “tones” out and one begins to understand the character more, but nonetheless, even though the character, in the exposition was “shaky”, most personalities are set within the first chapter.

Alex, the main character, also lacks a certain amount of “depth”. Her character is someone any reader could easily learn to love, but is the kind of lovable character one can forget if they don’t stick around the story for too long. The main reason she would be remembered, by any reader, is for cross-dressing in order to live a “simple” life with her brother. You need to make Alex’s character standout more. Give her something that makes people remember her—not ot something materialistic or an obsession, but a habit—a trait—something that everyone would hear, and instantly think “Alex”.

The boys, when it is their “point of view”, will occasionally sound like women as well. Remember, boys do not always speak in so many details. They’ll go on and on about something, but they won’t give specific details unless it involves video games, sports, women, and/or whatever they’re truly interested in. Avoid “girlish” sayings as well. As stereotypical or rude as it may sound, boys are often more simple-minded than women.

Not only that, but there is a large “cast” since there are fifteen Super Junior members; some will be overshadowed in favor of others, so whatever pick one “idea” or “personality trait” that stands out for each and every person, and utilize that so each character stands out in their own way. Example: Heechul is very narcissistic. You can take that trait and epitomize that trait to drive Heechul’s character throughout the story in order to make everything more “distinguishable”. By making certain traits stand out more, it’ll allow your readers to figure out who says what before they read the blank “said”.

Even though, as an author, you want to stay true to the people you’re writing about, how you see them also comes into play, and Super Junior is, nonetheless, fictional in this sense—how you see them is how you write them. They may not be the “real” Super Junior, but you need to show your audience, your readers, the image you’re attempting to write.

Format: 3/10

You have a tendency to tear apart paragraphs and make them new “paragraphs” when they should remain as one. Per say you have a paragraph—you’re allowed to place dialogue at the end of it before starting a new one.

Example (rewriting the first few sentences of chapter 71):

It was 11PM, but I didn’t see Henry. I know he’s usually home at around four in the morning, but still! He used to come in earlier when he found out I was at home so we could watch movies together (and I would force him to take a shower since he smelled like crazy!) “So Henry isn’t coming home today?” Kyuhyun asked.

I pouted and shook my head. “Do you want to check on him?”

I stared at him and nodded.

Remember, a new paragraph should be made when you start on a new topic, skip to a new time, skip to a new place, when a new person begins to speak, and when you want to produce a dramatic effect. Readers to enjoy paragraphs, and although too many details can bore a reader, some details will help your readers. Details will push your story onward and help people remember it more.

Overall: 27/100

General Comments: Despite the low score, the story still has its ups and downs. If grammar and all the technical “crap” were not important, the story is a good introduction into the “Super Junior” world. The fictional character, “Alex”, reflects you, the author, very well in a different sense. There are funny scenes, and this story, no matter how many stories you read similar to this, has bits and pieces that one doesn’t forget.

In a manner of informal speech, as a reader and obsessed Super Junior fan, I can tell that you put work into the story simply because you mentioned many habits the boys have. 

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^^ I got a higher score than I thought! Woot! (Note: This is coming form a grammer DICTATOR. yes, not Nazi, DIC. TA. TOR. so i'm suprised I got more than 10 points! woot!!) So from now on, I won't do a guy's POV :3

P.s. MusicChibi did this for me :3