Do you ever love someone so much but like platonically as in you don’t want to be romantic with them but you just want them to always be happy and to make them soup and hug them and cuddle them and kiss them and just make sure nothing bad happens to them ever because there should be a name for that.

Yes, I do. 

It's pretty complicated to give a name to this type of relationship. 
But still, there's this person that I care so much, that I love with all my heart, that I want he realizes everything he does is always foolproof and he is loved by many and he's flawless and all.

I know, it sounds rather insane than okayed but the man who makes me feel like this is no other than Kim Ryeowook.
I refuse to call it an obsession though it maybe partially true but the real term is still undefined. So Imma stick to a legit term that I love him platonically. 

I never imagine to have him as my husband, telling me that he loves me, stealing kisses, talking sweetly and even sharing some corny jokes. No. I know some fans are dying to have him as their husband as he's just as perfect; his voice, his caring nature, his cooking skills, his motherly affection and stuffs. I openly concede that he has all the ticks on my perfect man list but seeing him as my soul mate throughout my whole life is just perfectly wrong.

Maybe, one of the rational reasons is that I already know he won't be mine at the first place. He will never know my existence, my name won't ever cross his mind either. He just knew me, who's shadowed by the name of ELF and Ryeosomnias. No matter how madly in love I am with him, he will have no idea that I'm a girl who fell in love immediately just by hearing his soothing voice. Though he was in his late fifties, my first name won't be on the tip of his tongue; not even once.

He's the first member of Super Junior that I knew, that I recognized. I still remember back then in 2009 when I was 16, my friend brought a Super Show II poster to school; I guess you all know which one. The one with all members in black and white attires. And I schemed the poster rather nonchalantly as I once vowed that I'll never ever involve myself in Kpop. But fate made a joke on me, how irony. The second member from the right, there stood a rather small built, cute man that made me smile idiotically. I recalled how I shyly asked my friends about his name which they replied KIM RYEOWOOK rather enthusiastically and for the rest of the day, I listened to their ranted on who is he, how is he, what's his role and what not.

The moment I came back from school, the first thing I did was googling Kim Ryeowook. The very first time I heard his voice was during Super Show II performance, can you guess which one? Yes, Insomnia. I was like; Really ? Is that his voice ? How come he looked so innocent in the poster but being all fierce and y on stage ? and all. From that very moment, without I even realized my life has revolved around him. The desire to know him from the start made me searching for random blogs about Super Junior and through the blogposts, I learned about his trainee days when he used to be so plump and chubby, I learned about his favourites and even learned about his obsessions. 

Frankly, he's like an open book. He is exactly like what we see. The innocent, happy go lucky, blur but lovable, and all his personalities attracted me even more. Knowing his hardships, his efforts, his desires and his dreams drags me to develop an invisible relationship between us. I know this sounds really ridiculous that even my 12 years old self will laugh at me for this. But there's some strong feeling I had told me to protect him, to love him, to be there with him, to keep supporting him even I am insanely far away from him. I hate seeing him cry and I even hate to see him being neglected. Yes, of all members, he didn't get the same spotlight as others. He seems to be a good listener rather than the one who speaks and that's the main reason why he rarely guested variety shows. 

I can't even count the numerous time I spent crying because of him. I cried because I see his pain,physically and emotionally. I cried because he's so strong despite his fragile looking. I cried because he works so hard to achieve his dream that he sacrifices everything's up . I cried because he cares so much about others and makes them as his priorities yet he thinks no more of himself. I cried because lots of people failed to see his talents. I cried because I once thought he was discriminized. And I even have this absurd thought about me being the only fan he has. 

From those insecurities I have for him, I promise to love him although other people start to turn their backs on him. Because I love him and I pray hard that one day he'll be the happiest man on Earth with the one he loves. 

There's a lot more that I want to talk about but I'll let them to be my secret, my possession. Because talking about Kim Ryeowook wouldn't have an end for me. Instead it will continue with an and, forever. 

Thank you for being a part of my life, for being so appealing, for being the only Kim Ryeowook that ever exists. 

I love you. I really do.