Story: Sticky Note with Wishes

Author: lockeyme and krystal_24

Reviewer: jokerkkhe22

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Title 5/5

 

Appearance 5

Since there isn’t any poster, this is excluded.

 

Description and Foreword 3/10

Description is the place where you describe the story, not where you write about yourself or about how the story is made. The purple writing in the foreword is nice enough to be the description. Black color is enough for the dialogue or the foreword, you don’t have to use so much colors.

 

The English 23/35

There is nothing wrong with grammar but I see you made a lot of noticeable mistakes such as:

Sulli went to her side instantly, leaving her laptop open on the table -> opened

… They could be filming as right now -> us

… You’re cooking’s overcooked already,” -> your

Key knows -> knew, because you wrote your story in past tense.

I won’t list all but I suggest that you write in Ms.Word first or get a beta reader if you haven’t and also you can try to read your story again before posting.

 

Plot 13/20

Slow and messy. I know that writing a fanfic with 10 characters is hard but you’ve made it too slow in the waking up part. You keep on replaying the scenes and reducing it to be messy and it kind of irritated me somehow. About the wishes thingy, I have to read it 3 times to actually understand.

 

Arrangement 20/30

The writing style is good. But how the story goes is so messy (refer to plot) plus the colors you used in the first chapter, you don’t need to use so much colors, black is classic enough.

 

Originality 7/10

Going to a reality show together is kind of usual in asianfanfics. You’ve made it yours in mixing up their feelings and love triangle, nice.

 

Viewer’s comment 5/5

They anticipate a lot.

 

Overall:  76/115

Reviewer’s note: I am sorry if it sounded too harsh, please don't be offended. I hope this helps.